☆ ĴǘŞŢ ŜİΜρĽē ҒεεĻĭŅĢŝ ☆

Blind Hope....

2011-08-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

Awake! Look at the stars above ! Listen to your inner voice! That alone can open the way!~ She will joyfully grasp at the best support that exists for her, that pure light of the highest thoughts may reach her undimmed as her eyes sparkled in the night.

Indeed it is all too easy for you to believe the unbelievable, for then you need not to trouble to think and examine for yourselves. But she was the blind, the girl who describes herself like a shadow with the ethereal bandage over her eyes, Who courageously stands on a desert facing the Darkness, Imagining things that stood-still are moving, assuming she's on a battlefield where everything dark could have a firmer foothold than she herself.

Every nerve is restless, tense with subconscious longing. There is seething and surging, Her eyes doesn't understand her tears..She sense the touch on trees...as it disappears just like a whim on her hands, smells the the fragrance of heaven and mesmerizes the desired, Hears the sounds of nature, rain, waves and waterfalls as it relieves her mind...

But She's the seeker crying for light, imbued with strength to cleave through the mire, longing for the truth becomes increasingly hopeless, The heavy burden which life have imposed on her, and which finally threatens to crush her... should be taken from her and finally let it disappear from the world...

Slice of Future

2011-04-24T14:50:00.000-07:00

I sat on floor in disbelief,I was bleeding and I knew it wouldn't stop,mystified and numbed with pain to lose, some say you can’t lose something you never had...but i had you, though unpainted life or for an ounce moment..yet you were mine..

Ceasing day after endless day, while no ordinary human would cry all night over a tiny incomplete baby,for me, i felt like a slice of my future simply vanished.I lost a lifetime of desires,plans, dreams and aspirations...the sorrow and anguish down under just can’t be explained.Was I being punished for a sin I committed,or was this a lesson,I wouldn't know.

I never knew you existed for weeks,I found out the hard way that you were inside of me,I felt more close to you,I felt you so deep within me..I cherished and and trusted myself with your life,and what a life I had planned for you...

Not enough tears can be shed to express the love I have for you,No words can describe what I wanted to do for you.I would have just held you and inhaled in your sweet smell and bared you with all what i got in my life.

Your voice still echoes in my my mind, i struggle, on my bed trying to sleep.You were in my womb,I held you in my belly, told you so much about me one whole night,The dreams i had about you, ever so beautiful and so tiny unopened eyes , adorable lips and a small button nose,The delicate fingers and tiny toes..for which i knew...you were real inside me..and you would soon had to become..though, it all vanished so profoundly.

I wouldn't know when this hollow aching feeling would depart from my body.. I never could pretend that you never did exist.Struggled to find words to say,to try and make this suffering go away...Time has not moved on for me yet and i know there was no reason for you to stay while you had to leave,be in heaven as angel in the sky,filled with joy and laughter as time goes by.The numbness would have to disappear... you were an unforgettable part of me and i know that for sure..Our time will come...Tomorrow..

Sailed Away...

2010-10-01T13:53:00.000-07:00

I kept sailing alone in life...The abhorrent feelings were eating my soul..Having a desire to crush them all..Escaping from this till my path finds me ,My thoughts were swimming In all directions..My thoughts were flying..Traversing the length and breadth of the continent and space beyond..

They know no restrictions they owe no one.. As violence and danger lurks while i am unaware in the inhabitant ocean..My eyes just do not see...I end up being in the world's corner..On a distant island never seen before,Lost with a sense of disarray..feeling of a castaway ,I laugh so hard that I can’t breathe and only end up crying...dropping whatever I am holding and collapsing onto the boat as my ribs break from the strength of this terrifying emotion..

Feels like as if I'm falling down,and my head won't stop spinning round but i strengthen myself..Taking my fate within my hands ..Making my true and final stand..i lye while the purple hued sky told me tales of a future that doesn't exist..

Build me mansions in this sea and castles in the wind...

My prison of tolerant brought to the calm upon my lonely world once again as it whispers, the air becomes crisper..the nights that never gave me this chance to breath it is relief that washes over me...

I learn to embrace reality because it pulls away all the pain but still the thought of the unknown sends piercing chills through my bones...The stuff that plagues me Will never leave and disappear..Only for a while in my brief ecstasy would it be...

An eternal ocean within, surges around me, Years of aridness burst forth in clouds of darkness..I sold my soul for the ice cold ocean,i wash my face from the ocean's given as I look at myself and wonder who I am...The things I see are not at all clear,not even the face that stares back at me in the reflection.I've closed my eyes, yet I lye awake.Just like the pain in my head that relates to my heart as i start to forget where I came from...The pain, blood and agony seen from my eyes are not anymore.. Living every day care free was over..

The darkness drapes around me like a cloud..im soaring through the sky as if everything is ok..i never noticed that what i had is gone forever..I crept in darkness failing to realize there is so much i will never know ..that's forever locked inside of me.. and yet I shout at the world,so they can hear me..the freedom i have is what's inside of me that was known..

I look into the world like its the future...itself, even what i am living now are the ashes of the past,I don't care about the pain in this great big flashy world... till i solely become a ghost,a beast so drown and so gone... slower than the past...

Again battling with all my might,as said for the meek shall inherit the Earth..I walk my mind while it runs wild with fear and sorrow,..I had conversations with my shadow..where i didn't seem to find myself paralyzed by fear or terror..

Till i was dead... and here in the poisoned air that i breath in the clouds that are listed in the ground..Repeatedly the sea was born again...As provider of life, salient protector of darkness...

Peaceful Dream..

2010-03-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

With one life and no regrets..I ceased my eyes..arised by the voice of blessing whispered in heart,Laying on the kindest palace..the wild beauty of the invisible world gathers me..devoted I was to where I laid..to be taken or maybe not..

The fragrance made me smile..Unintentionally with every while..my hand was ringed,..my heart was invulnerable..with no fustrations in my mind,..revealed and peaced i was..riant and roused towards tomorrow..,the passport to heaven was in my heart...

I hear the leaves flow outside the window, rejoiced..like as if no autumn can ever compare..the soft touch of the leaves to the ground made me trip to wonder..when the happiness of clouds is to arrive..when i could get out and dance towards rain..but no urge..this moment itself was priceless...the effort that i have come here to drowse with hopes is undefined,..proud of my life.. I cuddled my pillow so tight..my heart seemed brimming..like each hourglass in the room..every dribble so valuable..like the infinite flow in time..my eyes were still faithful..trussed with hopes..the feeling that owns me with the peace in mind...

Honest Lifetime..

2010-03-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

Howling chilly wind blows through the mist..like as if every lie had an honest intention..stuck in own shell..aloof from the rest of the world..I shook my fist to heaven and begged for reasons why,But only silence spoke, offering no reply.what can life do now that i have fallen into its lot..with my innocence complains..my desires are mean..sharp are my dreams too..a little thought stuck with the heart..the past sneaks into the future and steals off all the hopes..wondering whats behind the sun that kept the secret of life..whats behind the fail that tires my hands for the time..i did not know,I still wear the same red heart..the weepy fuzzy one to keep on going though i need to grope,thinking about the each step i took for where to reach..one by one..my destiny hungered..the truth of humanbeing taught me stepping for reach..for around the bend maybe a ray of hope..the desire to unfold the light of the day..to grab the sun and turn it around..

Unbearable, inescapable, bearing me down till I must kneel..the sun had its own shine..the tolerance uttered,the strength shoke..laying on the groud made no diffence..for the world i was just one person.The choice to burn alive sustains..

I would not give up,It felt as if a hundred lifetime had raced by with me only within few minutes..The sun can no longer warm my ashes that could be scattered to the

wind and this world that can crumble and be reformed for the next, still my soul will live..will exist..without the breath and with the breeze...

White Curtains..

2010-01-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

I woke up in whizz..shivering and gesture..wondered what might have gone wrong..i walked towards the curtains of the window..as white and blank it was..peaceful and light it seemed..Trapped inside my own mind...I had nowhere,to go..to hide..jailed inside my own heart..i heared the seconds of time..every slow beat captured the empty space i was in..

I feel the earth move under my feet, the sky crashes upon me as if like the ground cracks and I fall to a place not far away.A place where dark souls are put away and undergo pain they have never felt before.

I burst in tears..fondling myself..and ensuring self that everything will go fine..loneliness is black as death,it sounds like the endless shudders falling from the eyes..sliced the vein, accepting the truth and hidden self in shades of the cloth,soul dripped with sin,I had so much anger to give and wondered where should I begin..

I opened the white curtains..and yet it was so dull..black like the none other...i closed my eyes and it made no difference..

when then I heared the future talking to me..i heared the sounds of the waves and the beautiful stars..embracing me was a man that i did not know the face of..i was to be taken..from his hands to the gate of happiness...i closed my eyes too much knowing that this could not happen...and then i hear the whispers of a baby that i gave birth to..the laughs...and the pikaboo we played...the times that the man took hold of me..giving his none endless whispers..caressing my hairs...

i was laughing soo much..that i saw nothing than a black sight..everything started fading away..future slipped from my hands.. I hear my mind racing up..while my eyes felt too pale to look furthur...i weeped..i shuddered...but the glimpse had already gone,...neverthlss i stood still there..tears falling from the inner eyes..

Dark Existance...

2009-12-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

The black of the night said my life will unfold..I triggered..grieving to the past...drowning in the dirt..i hear..The gates of underwater stand waiting for the souls that have done wrong..swimming in a sea of hipocrisy,dreams vaporizing in skies of lies..hope withers dust to rust...

Felt like the loved hands fighting for my life...hiding me from torture..treating me from the shame..as the fingers of silent confinement can hide the damage like none is ever wrong..making our lives begin..i hooked upon the coldness dwelling inside me.....alas grabbed hand given courage felt too cold to hold..leaping over and trying to reach life..the shadow of own self crept around..making the world an insecure place...showing the dirt..making the doomed heart feel the evil soul...i wither..i cry..though the tears cant throw away the suffering..

Unleashed in the night..blackened i shall die..shattering the world over darkened blackness.. unwelcome breath in ocean...memories dead in the haunted place of no mercy..wickedness bite through the skin with the mark..this is where i had to go..as far as my eyes could betray ...

Beautiful Night...

2009-03-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

She woke up screaming..her shudders softened by the pillow...foundering in the preserving case of insensitiveness..,trying to exhale without a breath, she turned her back on the blunt vigorous emptiness,stared at the heavy dribble through the rain outside her window.It started getting into her nerves.., stunned,what miracle brought in here..she haven't seen rain forever,..

Her thoughts moving torpidly,she stepped out into the slippery mizzle and fuddled through the rain..twisting through the trees,simply walking disguise for the pouring pure crystal's light,flying darkened clouds gathered to welcome her to the breathtaking glimpse of the vast emptied land..she responsively finding peace in the sound of the rhythm slapping the ground..enjoyed the music to her ears..while the happy leaves jumped off from the trees.
With the greetings from the wind,the cold rain dipped through her ruffled hair and dripped across her cheeks like fresh water tears..deep to the dying, to her thirsting heart,smelt the cold..feeling overwhelmed..she smiled so much that it hurted her cheeks.
The colorless curtains protecting her,watering the thirsty flowers,..washing all the dusts away,ceaseless spontaneous fall of its own heavy moisture, she skips on the puddles..and looks above,drops fallen from heaven splatts on her face,washing the sins and clearing her soul..the locked up and the none escaped,that everything remained, untouched and forgotten behind the rain..
Her heart beating instead the clock counting time,she tried to enjoy the wind against her face.Wandering between palms and bright blooms,huge droplets crumpled in the puddles with the small lakes in the uneven surface,she sang soaked while smiling and danced with the rain heartedly..
The eternity she was in started to fade away,a dizzying range of emotions shot through her in time.The clouds started snatching its belonging..the trees slowed the dance for the goodbye..the inevitable rain eventually broke up..undesirably she sneaked herself off from that moment,toweling herself and again on to bed..squeezing her innocent eyes shut..and the next thing she knew was,it was morning ,the end of the beautiful night..

Soul's desire..

2009-03-01T04:13:00.000-08:00

She sweeps over those callous waters
Ascertaining the depths above the ocean
Unlike her feelings graved deep within
Inhaling the impossible air, drinking saline water
Savage, roughshod for you, but way of life for her
Freedom she saw, wrecked emotions she had
Flowing tides and storms tossed..
None kindling the waters of her soul
Aware of the placid turbulent of the deep
The independent energy of the vastness..
All of it felt so real,her survival,
Rocking in her sea cradle fearlessly,
Walking into a watery grave..
Nothing abnormal she saw in any of those creations
Her life sailed on those waters, watched over by the sun
But when she paced up to the rainbow,
Her eyes fantasized to walk onto the land
Not to handle the adzes and injure, fight or plank
But to live those green,brown and colorful dreams
To collect those wild strawberries from the valley
Bring it all the way to the high
Spray her face with the pollen of wildflowers
Swallow down nectarines honey, nap on the green bed
She always desired to travel into the horizon,
The thin hooked edges of the ocean,
To see star full sky and beautiful earth
Into which melded her well articulated for self and present reality..
She dreamed to walk across unnoticed from the waters onto the land..
There her withdrawal would transform into reality
For her dreams would appear real and harsh reality fades..
For you, all of land seems real,dreams are to fly, to sail, to scatter, to sink..
Her soul wished not only to fly, not to sink, but to choke
To be trapped under the tightly packed dust, to drowse into her dream..

Untitled...

2009-02-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

It was three days back..i woke up with the severe headache,was having hunches that the day smelled un-right.My tummy started to growl. and i made a purge.I wanted to go and buy a drink too gravely enough,couldn't make few steps while i called up the servant to buy me a "mixed fruit juice".At our doorstep,he was ready to mount with his new bike to the "bazaar" while i popped up and asked for the little good turn of going to the nearby shop which was just too close in the same block ..he was too willingly to go..leaving his bike under my eyes..

I was upstairs..while i could see the vision too clearly..i waited for his arrival...seeking down at the doorstep..i noticed...his bike...It was too tidy and cute red..I wondered,how such a simple thing it could be for us..while another could heavenly depend on it..so i was to make sure..its under my eyes..

Appeared a man at the doorstep..drunken..his eyes like swelled..had a little beard..his trousers little higher than ordinary..He greeted with his ugly,evil smiling face asking whether there's any islander in the house..I stared downstairs to the man,I was too sure that he was searching for no one..while my eyes fluttered over the picture of the little background which he was hiding..the background wasn't as still as it was..to my disbelief,there was a guy moving so silently that may have not caught my attention...it hit in my head for once where the guy would destine next..

I abruptly ran downstairs..to the guy..which had the thirst of another's object for their living..but all in sudden..i was taken back...trapped...coapt by the ugly man..his arms were hefty..like as if hev lived 30 years..he smelled like hell fire..maybe that was the reason,i hardly breath..but i sought my voice shrilled..knowing that no one might hear at the very early morning..found my hand so tightened upon his chest that gave me the ability to shove him off to the thud of my strength..he abacked...the picture was seen too clearly again..The guy i saw on the background...was on the bike..riding 4 feet gone..i scolded..he curled his head..as if like his curly hair was nothing compared to it..,and then he suddenly rushed towards his thirst and escaped...i found nothing that could stop him..helpless i was...in front of the young and the old..

I had nothing to offer when the servant came to the scene..than the guilt of disability for the unkind human nature.. frustration for the great dislike..and for the grieve of an understandment of the cruelty i had to go through..

2009-02-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

06/02/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SUMBODY!

Insight Inspirations...

2009-01-14T01:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt so tightly towards something in just a vision that happens to flick by? ..Something that, somehow, you know that it is far from reality..at that point.
One fine night... somewhere out there..the wind have sent me wordings, a sight so clear..as I fold my eyes, I inhale in.. deep... And as I agazed my eyes so tardily when I exhale..there was a smile on my face..right there..at that moment, there was a drop of tear just enough to run down my cheek..with none of a justification I never knew till this very moment.

With my arms wrapped around my shoulder, feeling the wind fondling my face.. There are lots of things that couldn't be explained.. and yet, you do relish the sensation of it.. A feeling that you just can't find, but it comes..hitting right through when you least expect. And it does leave trace..as like a book mark..dropped securely right there in between the pages of your diary...I was reasoning to myself..Well, maybe it's just another joyful way of an inspiration coming through...
Life passes us by so rapidly...I tried to recall. In these 18 years of my life, how many days have I lived? I mean..really lived...

Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes, we just are helpless being ourselves.. We trigger..toppled and fall...hard.. Sometimes regret of what we have done.. or have to be done... There are days when our hearts are filled with anger and hate.. We have to learn to forgive others..and also forgive ourselves too. Learn the lessons and not to repeat the same mistakes..and move on fast.
Life is too short for us to dwell too deep into sadness, pain and grief. I, have been to the state..at times.. where I felt that my life have fell apart..Shattered... I was completely heartbroken...and I have cried till my eyes went dry... Days went by..and weeks..and months... I have taken too much time away. There were things left undone..and most of all...a life not lived...

After a long time silenced away..thinking hard to myself, I woke up one day feeling like I have become someone else.. Someone who have awaken from a long nightmare. There have been enough time wasted..and more than enough time to pick myself up and start living a life...my life.

It's like one whole story after another. Lessons learned.. hard.. and I have moved on.. on.. and on again. Experience were precious... There's a voice.. always reminding me in my head.." The world is still spinning every tiny hourglass and life have to move on..”

I gazed upon the stars, and let my imaginations running free.. to a place beyond dreams. Those were the nights, I have slowly found my inspirations to create the visions in my mind. And these visions have given me a strong urge to start writing. and all that.. I have brought forward to write the inspiration of myself. Yes.. it is my urge and only mine..whether to write, decorate, or paint it with the colors and hues of love... the love that will never die..in my heart..the love that holds me from every else single thing..

Staring at Slept Dream...

2009-01-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

Watching you steal tiny breaths from this world..
Eyes shut, pillow hugged adorably in the dark of desired dream..
Imaginable started to utter the distance and time
I urged for the moment my eyes craved your touch
To feel the breath and the mournfully desired
Your caressing body fused in me with joyous of adore
The tears of happiness revealing blood..
My hands tearing your body with bitten skin..
Pressures of love holding back the force of hurt
Gentleness making the space complete all inside
Fulfilled growls tendering the silent screams
Kissed to shut my voice and loosening of what i got
Motionfully cuddling hopes of the reality
Given surprise without the due of lateraling
Beholding trustfulness that went from yours to mine
In which i am still in the dreamt lightening divine
Heard wishes justified with faith lake
Staring at your kinded heart that only was awake..

| Well..this is my best written poem in 2008..(for me..i felt..) this poem could be new for my recent blogger friends..so thought why not sharing this..infact i wished this poem to be my first poem posted in 2009 ,so have a nice time with it.. |

Nervous

2009-01-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

Hey guys....
Right...m totally nervous!!!i have a job interview tomorrow..it seems like ive nt even tasted how it could be...n perhaps ive been totally enjoying life to bits...but i had a thought that i wanna start to work..so i applied on job vacancy..
N THE BIG THING IS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I SHALL SAY IN AN INTERVIEW..hehe..oh god...plz help..i dont even have such any experience in which these people require..but i know onething..m going for the interview!!...and its tomorrow morning...n yea everyone..i need you all's good luck with me as a quick emergency...okies..i got to go and iron up some dressing for the interview...but..erhh...what can i wear??..hmp..tadda tadaaa

Buh bye 2008 ..

2009-01-01T03:12:00.000-08:00

I remember someone telling me..never count how many days you live in..just see how much you lived in the days..and that's where life is..days will go on for years...years to the lifelong... ive never forgotten my beloved blogger friends..never even think of it like that k? hehe..Wishing my beloved's a
Happy new year
...and may your wishes be fulfilled in every possible way... About my health..m feeling fully alright..by god's will , i am back to blogger thankfully and the credit goes to all of you for the get well wishes on me..tadda taddaa..

Ps/i got a new phone as my anniversary gift..thanku my somebody!!

Star became lil ill..

2008-12-26T05:36:00.000-08:00

Letting you all know that i am ill
(in alot pain..),would hopefully
update soon sometime and would go through
all your posts too but meantime with great
apologies..that i cant..miss you all and
love you all lots..

Colours

2008-12-20T15:56:00.000-08:00

A colour is what a blind man seek for though unseen,while the rest unrealise the fact that its colors even though seen.Its what's all around you..everywhere you go..i wonder anyone have imagined their life as "black and white"..or simply dull...no colour of sunrays neither any colour to figure out a star in the sky..leaves are uncoloured so aswell the pleasant fragranced flowers..the time u spend on choosing which dress you wana wear..what you wear..can you imagine yourself without colours?must really be hard right...and too unhappy just like tears..colourless,unimaginable and hurtful indeed ..

Colors are what makes an object heavy and valuable..
Here comes a thought in my mind,ever wonder how it would be like if your tears were coloured?perhaps blood red?i am sure then people would neglect to make another cry...maybe that's why we fear in injuring another..weird isn't it..colours are never for unhappiness...if you search your path towards happiness...seek the beauty in where you walk..Thank the miracle that your small eyes can vision the world with so many beautiful colours..appreciate where you belong..i am sure that would make yourself precious on you..

"Twin C" for Maldivian Guys

2008-12-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

Warning: =girl talk=

Oh yea m sure you guys must have been tooling your brains trying to figure out what is Twin C? ryt?its just like "vitamin C" medic..but alas this works out mostly on guys...
okies here it goes C=Coffee's ,C= Cigars so both C's are born at once..at the same place(twins),My mind sometimes itches why these nuttys go on coffee's so much!!!What is it sooo interesting that they talk over for damn longtime, gathering and bumming with circles each n everyday after their meals..really...!and when they arrive..it seems like they are fully perfumed with cigarettes..erhh..."they think its so cool",dropping by home mostly after midnight..and i seem to view some of their wives waiting along the way..*poor suspicious look in their faces*"Do they really go for coffee or hung with another girl??" hehe..
i, myself being not married thank god that i am decluded from their category..but really...whats the use of it...why cant these people have a sip of coffee from their beloved wives hand????I'm sure we girls could make much yummier coffee than some foreign chef in a restaurant..!!!agree or disagree???but we wouldn't permit soooo much of cigarettes infront of us..perhaps their "buddy gang" can..but for us..."whenever they light it up and smoke,it burns us all inside"..anyways..tadda tadaaa..

In response to the anonymous-es who kept commenting on my post"Annihilate Infinitude"..

2008-12-17T14:37:00.000-08:00

I was in the thought that I'd spill whatever that came to my mind about you both(or one as two)since i consider my this world as my just simple feelings.

Being human, we are prone to commit mistakes. We may say or write things that may have hurt another,I was shocked to see it but wasn’t surprised as I was aware of the fact that there are people who loves making others life miserable..I,myself to compromise my freedom of speech and to be left with the chore of deciding where to draw the illusive and unstable line between what should be written and what should not..Hell no!!!..trying to find devious ways to restrict access to publications, which are deemed offensive and hurtful, have to mention..your very unsuccessful... But for me, “You offended my writing/poem and hurted me and therefore, I will not forgive you”. This kind of attitude is destructive and I'd not hope to do that in my right mind.
Some things in life just cannot change. People will continue to make mistakes. You just have to say to yourself, it is what it is. You just cannot change that.I have no hard feelings to anyone.(I forgive all..and even if i have done..i am with a genuine apology)So, have a forgiving spirit, mend what youve said with a little piece of guilty and be positive mind atleast with some attitude.As far my English is concerned,i am who i am..if i have a will and an urge to write up something,I'd turn the world upside down for it.

Bookmark In Sand..

2008-12-11T14:13:00.000-08:00

As in the still life of the face of ocean..
Seen through the glass of world..
In the corner of inspiration..
Stops the hearts for a split second..
As if its the scars beneath feet...

Opens the ocean's palace windows..
Here i lay in the unmade bed..
Against the tortured wind..
Vessel light reflecting upon me..
In the crooked shadows and eternal winds...
Timeless palms, ageless skies..
Drifting shadows, mired in shifting sands and water...

Seeing the sunset silhouette,as the colors of night fall...
Sky talking upon the gentleness of eyes..
Showing me the garden of winking stars..
Making me realise no shell could drift..

Rain of jewels dirtying on my windshield..
Locking every heart's door for what i was..
Once upon a reject waking the worms..
As the forever fortuitous bookmark in sand..

Eid Day..

2008-12-11T02:30:00.000-08:00

Well...i know i am a bit late in dotting down my Eid day..what to do...my mind was too distracted from pc...as u see...this eid was nice and there was an event held for children on evening,yep..ur guess is right..i went there with my baby bro..n mum..he was way too excited to see a big fish(bodumas)n the cartoon characters..enojoyed to bits..myself seeing all childrens hanging around,running here n there...i felt like to jump over to my childhood..(really)..so that i could have been doing the same aswell...wish i was still that kid..roaming around..disturbing others..jumping along a veli gandu..:/
anyway...had a good time..though i was a lil tired carrying baby bro,rode that buggy all the way to dharubaruge bidhoh and again back to homy...but did a bit relaxing in the meantime...droped to foodclub and fighted over some foods...huhhh! o yea...ive still not even wished a single eid greeting on you all right?...curse me..cuz its belated... :/

EID MUBARIK ----> 8TH DEC 2008

(If u have problem in accepting my greetings..change your calender to this date..and then take my wish and come back for today!) *innocent smile*
P/s i got my eid thithi from dad as usual..
okie dokes...love u all...myself is the tadda tadaa....

Yayy!! i got an AWARD for my blog :)

2008-12-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

Lemonade Award

The rules of this award for recipients:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

I would like to share this award to the following bloggers:

Oppotish
Chicky
Converslogic
Dhiboy
Nj
Shweet
Lilly
đєunħøłʏguу
Xefrox
DarkCasanova
Faziiie
♪♪HARINI♪♪

Many Thanks to Ateng for this award!

Sky Seemed happy! -1st Dec 2008

2008-12-03T05:11:00.000-08:00

In our human nature...we always smile back when another smiles upon us...even though its a stranger...we feel it as a happiness and a proud...I don't know how excited i felt when i treasured this beautiful creation in my eyes...for me it seemed like the whole universe was smiling at me..really...wished i was high up above...smiling with it..but in the second thought...if i was...I'd not have been smiling..hehe...nvm...anyhow...venus and Jupiter looked so good..with the smiling moon...a smile for a smile can make the world look good :)

Annihilate Infinitude..

2008-11-29T10:48:00.000-08:00

Lolling on a lawn by the water-lilies..
As clouds are blown away by the wind..
Toading upon the vapor of a dungeons..
Quaffing drinks from a hundred fountains..
Living has been given by the earth..
Alas each alive in other heart..

Soul meets soul on lover's lips..
Eachother finding way towards eyes..
Single thoughts beats as one..
Hunting secret stolen pleasures..
Waking up by the annihilate brain cells..
Indulging self in tangled emotions..
Possessed by crazy devil and dull spirits..

Burning across the infinitude..
Pulses of the souls getting higher..
Hunger and Courage holding the threads..
Hand in heart tied amongst in chests..
Trifling assign limits to desires..
Parting of the sense of sin and the fears..
Swings open at the touch of human weakness..
Cries and whispers for the more and eternal..
The possessions of intolerable..
Realms slurred syllable together..

Awaken Feelings..

2008-11-23T05:27:00.000-08:00

Wonders booming from the heavy windful burst..
Fragrance of mist blooming colorful flowers of thirst..
Silently touching the glory of divined dreams..
Waking up to realize self in blitheness gleams..
Racking mirror filled with bonheur devotions..
Hopping down inspiring unrealized emotions..
Obscure frantic closure of eyes senseless..
Blooming highly with commove defenseless..
Stealth of endure lively smiling on the face..
With every thought of snuggling embrace..

Yay!! its Over...

2008-11-18T04:57:00.000-08:00

Heya peeps!!
...its over!!! its over!!! n over!! dhen lalala..hehe,anyway exams were not how i thought it would go off...it was kinda not so smooth after all...i skipped two exams...one cuz i had high fever..and other...cuz i couldnt waky..(i did..but u know...10 mins before exam,wasn't much in a mood either)..so guys...now u must have got the idea how careless i am.. :/..anyway..there was one day..which i lost my id card n i was trynna be snobbish not to go to the exam..u know "bassnaahanings" with parents..but at the last minute i headed off with my passport..so i was awarded as a "brave girl" by somebody..

HmmMMmm...i could be late to say this...but it seems that m goody in the "other maldives"..our homy even celebrated the new president day..soo..a warm welcome to everyone..there's the caky we cut..pretty hugo one..n i noticed something weired in tht caky..see that "11" its kinda "thaana vegen goss anneh athah alhaafa" hehe..nvm...anneh dhivehi raaje ennu...things would turn other way round..all goody..anyway though caky was yummy...woke up on tht date..n saw our cute presy giving a smile and signing up...kinda felt..happy..his way of giving smiles n being attached with the people in maldives...and nt being proud and wanting normal thingys..its soo nice..ive not seen a president in person like him..and even liked the way how the previous friday prayer was...himself being in the middle amongst normal people like the rest..its quite..astonishing aswell..gives us a knowledge that everyone is same level in masjid..anyway..when i woke up that day...there was this bondibai and fishy made...enjoyed eating that aswell..even the biriyani thingy at night...so wonder..the best part of it was my tummy!!hehe

anyway...this post is kinda getting longy...before ending up...something funny happened lastnight..actually midnight...i was kinda gone bonkers n my head was ouchy so i thought why not have a great shower..wowy thought..so went up in bathroomy and did a little washup and put shampoo on my head...n guess what happened next...the tap went bonkers aswell!!hehe...not my fault..those water supply people ..they cut water for few hours i think..i was stuck with shampoo..hmp..so had to peep outside and get a water bottle from the fridge ..woah..hehe...now dont tease k?..anyway off to bed..love u all..tadda taddaa..

Stepped sky..

2008-11-06T18:43:00.000-08:00

Gazing at the hopeful universe
Stepping inside the ever irreverse..
Welcoming neighborhood for a thought
As shining as ever with what life'v brought..
Dancing in the moonlight with the hold
Closing eyes with fragrance of told..
Swinging the arms for a fly
Reaching the place ever so high..
Pausing life for an impatient load
For a walk along the springing road..

Hei My Nuttyz

2008-10-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

Its been couple of days since Ive not shared some amount of myself na? well...my this tummy pain is thankfully getting back to normal and all the credit goes to the people whov prayed on me..yay...
Here's a funny story,...you know...i was like at my doorstep last night..and there it flashed an innocent looking foreigner..maybe a nepalian..he came to me n asked "excuse me,may i know where maafannu football court is" i wondered at first..he neither was in a jersy and he looked formally dressed n why the hell would he wana go to some football court..anyway i gave my mind some thought n figured out that he could be going to meet someone..so to be nice i gave him a smile..and told him tht i dont know any maafannu football court and the place i know is this....i meant i pointed at stadium...where my homy was near..anyway and then he stared at me...and asked "do you dance?,i mean i think i saw someone like you once?",well...i felt weird...i mean i just dance inside my room right?never infront in public..and felt something fishy in this guy so i told him nope...anyway and then...he said "nice to meet you" and forwarded his hand for a shake...well i never minded so i responded...but what the hell!!!he was not leaving my hand...and then asked.."don't you think we should meet again,i mean in a chat or something"then my mind clicked his intentions,...arrgh what the..umm...frog...i took my handy off..nvm..somebody popped up there and i told him that this foreigner wanna find some football court..and that foreigner kinda later went off...
but...laters when i was on bed to sleep, i thought..i could have squashed his "p" and hanged him on the terrific light...what to do..i always realize what i had to do when the time runs off..anway went to sultan park today..:D had great fun..by putting temple flower on my hair..n took pictures too..(mdp style) maybe would update on fb...so m off to study land then...miss you all...tadda tadaa...

Ouch!!!

2008-10-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just woke up for the feeling of my tummy all torn inside...really m feeling way too terrible..wish to call somebody..but wouldn't dare disturb..i wish someone to know the real feeling of having the pain and cannot tell anyone..just things are way too bad if it was considered my health in life..,i dont wana suck in my exams..i really dont wana...god plz help...not this time dear god...
ive tried jumping in my bed a couple of times awhile back..never wana cling on to the hurt...had few chocolates..,yet no change..then had some youghgurts n now drinking up a glass of milk with buscopan tablets...n guess what!!m still smiling with tears...may anyone never get this much of pain in their lives..aamin..
tadaa..

A Trip to Study Land...

2008-10-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

"Your words..make me so much close my eyes...and just wish to sleep with you...hug you tightly and know about you and what you have in that way.. btw itz abt my studying buks!!"

Ok...look everyone...now i guess you all would know what i am gonna say...as my mom says..to gain something..we all human's should have to sacrifice something's in life :/
i know what i am gonna say would hurt my blog's feelings alot...but i ve got to put some heavy books in my head..
oh..i just now feel..Why WHy WHY was books invented....and even though it was invented!!WHY cant all the things thats in it..just enter our minds through one single touch on the book and if so yay! we could score zillion marks then!!but be real shana...in this earth...we've got to gain..even one single bit..by damn hard work...

Will miss you all like how the sunshine's to the earth..take goody care of yourselves..

"will be back..after a break"

Tagged again!!

2008-10-18T11:51:00.000-07:00

Ive byn tagged again the same thing,but though i'd not let Xefrox down since hev tagged me...many thanks dear :) and i figured these question's answers could be differed since there are questions as day wise... "today,yesterday.." so here it goes...

1. What's your latest addiction? *hachus*
2. what are u listening to? Mum's Lecture's ;/
3. how late did u stay up last night n why? HMmMMMm..slept arnd 5...cuz of this ex bf of mine...he was getting bonkers..
4. who were u with last friday night?With maly n ullu (bestfriends)
5. Do u think u'll be in a relationship 3 months from now? hehe..as i said even in the before tag..I dont predict on future,future predicts on me..
6. when is the next time u'll see ur close friends?Probably tomor...but if i wana..i can just jump off to the next room n see my closest friend :)
7. what were u doing this morning at 7am? Sleeping by overcoming nightmares...
8. what radio station do u listen to the most?Capital radio..
9. what was the reason u last cried? awhile back...was telling somebody abt how i struggled living from my childhood(hospital life)
10. have u ever talked to someone when they were high? as i said b4..i dont much talk to high people :)
11. what's the fifth text in ur inbox say? "Your My Tones service has expired and you have been unregistered from the service.To register to MYTones,please call 155" lol ;)
12. where was the last coffee shop u went to? errr...hmp...i still wish u asked abt ice cream shops:/
13. what's ur outfit right now?a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt -sorry cant give to borrow-
16. what were u doing at 11pm last night?Eating Pizza...yummy...the taste was awesome..blll..
17. who was the last person u talked to last night before bed? My ex bf..cant be an actual talking though..
18. will u be driving in a year? yep..i do drive people nuts...
19. is there anything that u are craving right now? Labba..
20. when did ur last hug take place? shhh,,,,personal...hehe
22. have u ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."? yep......no offense but this question is still crazy.. ;)"
23. Do u drink tea? yep...everyone does drink tea n they don't eat tea as i said b4....
24. have u ever been arrested?m always arrested....
25. have u rode in someone else's car today? as i told before...don't expect me to ride n see my poor dead face (:
26. have u made a mistake this past week? yeah..ive mistakenly worn my dress inside out n went to sittingroom,poor me..everyone was teasing..*blush*
27. who was the last person u texted? Chicky....
28. are u happy with ur life right now? m content of what i get...n i do smile...
29. in the past 72 hr have u been under the influence of sleep?..probably....
30. what's the connection between u and the last person u texted?a bestfriend...

So here it goes...i would like to tag ♪♪HARINI♪♪ this time...so dear...enjoy surviving the questions:)

Best Friends Forever...

2008-10-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well...what could i say,...was bored in my room...thought about my past and the laughs i had and the things that made me highly happy...and how i was..and suddenly..i started missing one of my best friend...who was so very close to me..how we used to hangout and how the world looked good...when we were together...we were classmates from 4 years back and then started getting so close like a sister...shared stuffs from best to worse and smiled and cried together..
well...later she went India for her higher studies....not that we couldn't keep in touch through net...but...missed living life's moment together...anyhow....i rushed towards my pc..thought i'd mail her through facebook...

Shana Ahmed

Today at 6:32pm

maly...u always talked in msn when m nt arnd,,
Here...listen carefully...m sorry for the stupid things i say tht may have hurt u in different ways...m sorry for nt being tht perfect bestfriend,m sorry tht i cant be with u right now...m sorry tht...when ever u felt tears n wished to share n u cudnt be with me,,,all I'm saying is...life without you is like..missing..argh...come here will ya..misss u soo much..nearly with tears...n this mail might be lil nutty...
just take care...will call u after i put credit..

That was it...mailed...and i was with tears..closed the browser,..and thought..woah..ive been in my room for ages...and suddenly my youngy brother turned out..and said that there's someone whov come to meet me..so i thought ..who the hell could come this tym?specially when m feeling like hell alone...so i asked my youngy brother...and he was too annoyingly smiling without telling me the name..well tht really annoyed till i went to sittingroom and shocked me...yeah,,,there it was..that nutty girl..maly,..near the door...i couldnt just express my feelings...kept still..and made sure that i was in my right senses...and then went off and hugged her..she was with my another bestfriend(ullu) whom we used to hangout..
Thanks for the best suprise of the day maly..
Later after we welcomed her...i showed her the mail i sent her awhile back...
and know what ullu told me...that i am the first person shev seen who levitated in her whole life..hehe..anyway...we had a good laugh...i took them to fizzes for ice creams..and we r gonna waky soon tomorrow morning for the get together...so ive got to sleep...tadda tadaa
but hey wait...got to tell god something...
god...thank you...for valuing my tears..and yes...your merciful..and..umm....Best friends forever!!

Child's heart

2008-10-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

When a child closes the eyes from the world,its said that they'd go to heaven.God speaks to us always and only the pure heart can hear it. Child's heart is so pure and its what God wanted us to have. I remember myself as a child with a heart full of love, a heart which only could think good things for myself and for others. A heart that does not keep hatred , anger and jealousy..perhaps that's what God wanted us to have.

For adults like us, it seems too hard to have a child's heart because it means giving up our pride. Look at the children around you... it's easy for them to forgive and forget and give love once again because they don't think about pride and they only think of being simple and happy. Can we still have a heart like a child? We can be as long as we set aside our pride...

Breath Of Stars..

2008-10-12T13:17:00.001-07:00

This post is about the "Breath Of Stars" ,I hope your familiar with the picture..yep..its the picture Ive kept in my Msn display pic for ages...(from like 3 years back)..and the name itself is my Msn name,and for my blog buddies..yep this is the first pic in from which i started my this blog..as u see in my first ever post..i quoted a line with the picture.."Each breath is a reason you live,each reason is a breath you take in.."

I'm quite astonished that it was a normal picture for others who used to chat with me on my msn..all i'm saying is this picture have been really attached with me...and ive seen somethings...in it..that non other have ever noticed..maybe thats why it has always been my closest..with all my deepest feelings and thoughts consumed in just one..

The truth in Breath Of Stars...
I'd just give you 3 words.."Soul..Breath..Stars..."...what do you see in it?
Its obvious that you see the stars..and its also clear that the stars are the girl's breath...but the question is...why did i mention about some soul?try to see the stars again...and you'd come up with the answer yourself...

Conclusion:I find a girl drowned in the universe..and her last breath as stars..and in the stars..theres an image of the breath taker..
Don't be surprised...clear your thoughts..and see it again...you'd see a face there..which is made from her breath...

All i could say is,it has a deep meaning inside..and for my eyes its just amazingly trapped feelings..you may not know what i meant...Its alright..nvm..thought of sharing...i'm off to bed..
tadda tadaaa...

My View of life...

2008-10-11T17:40:00.000-07:00

Ever hashed waves whisper in my ears
The joy of dreamed desires in the fears
Never included moment heathered alive
Stars prickles the searched strive
I opened my eyes for whim..
Saw myself beside the him...
Cherished smiles the thoughts
Shied blushes in hopes
Unreaching values of the heart
A little desired moan of love's art
Come near and sit beside me..
The universe in my eyes is what you ought to see..

Ive been Tagged!

2008-10-08T05:05:00.000-07:00

Keep the 30 Questions Rolling

This tag comes from Crazyshy Many thanks dear!

1. What’s your latest addiction? – Blogging and trynna make own stuffs to eat :/
2. What are you listening to? – Something that coolz ma mind..
3. How late did you stay up last night and why? – 4 am :D cuz i...umm..hehe..i have no idea..my sleep was stolen...
4. Who were you with last Friday night? –OOopps...cant tell..very big secret... =)
5. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?- I dont predict on future,future predicts on me..
6. When is the next time you’ll see your close friends?-i want it right now!!!hmp
7. What were you doing this morning at 7am? – Sleeping!
8. What radio station do you listen to the most? – Capital Radio
9. What was the reason you last cried? – um...its cause of a thought..,vision,a dream..
10. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high? - hehe..high in the sense??temper??..umm actually i dont much talk to high people,but high things r acceptionals...sky...stars..hehe (:
11. What’s the fifth text in your inbox say? –"Bey (dash) iz just tryn to find sum way to provoke u.."
12.Where was the last coffee shop u go to? i dont go for coffee shopz...wish u asked abt ice cream shopz ;(
13. What’s ur outfit right now? – hehe...m on my favourite top and jeans..y??wanting to borrow??noway!!..
16. What were you doing at 11pm last night? – Dancing inside my room..hehe(i think)
17. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed? – Jena..my puppydoll.. "thts what i usually do everynight too.."
18. Will you be driving in a year? – hehe...obviously...i can drive people nuts...(innocent smile :)
19. Is there anything that you are craving right now? – There r...but..its better not to be revealed right...
20. When did your last hug take place? – ssshhh! privacy plx...
22. Have you ever started a sentence with “No offense, but…”? – Yep..example...no offensive but this question is crazy.. ;)
23. Do you drink tea? – I think others would also drink tea right?m sure they cant eat tea.. :s
24. Have you ever been arrested? – My whole life is arrested by me..hehe
25. Have you rode in someone else’s car today? – hehe,thankfully not..orelse see the news and i wud be dead... =)
26. Have you made a mistake this past week? –Mistakes...HmmMMmmmm..leme think...yeah!!i did ! i did!
27. Who was the last person you texted? - blank...i cant remember..
28. Are you happy with your life right now? – Not exactly....but i could smile with my life:)
29. In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence of sleep? DONT ASK THT QUESTION!! it may influence me again...(my bichaari sleep)
30. What’s the connection between you and the last person you texted? – i have no idea...

This hard work of answering is done and theres a point i noticed,question number 14 n 15 were missing..maybe the one who made this rolling up made it as invisible questions :D..Its my turn to tag right????...hehe...okies..PUP ,Cute kat princez,Darkcasanova and Chicky.. you guys have been tagged..bwahahha!! ^-^

Just go away!!

2008-10-07T04:56:00.000-07:00

Your guess is right..i m upset..,i know i do mistakes..but don't try to prove me that i do mistakes always k?and specially when i don't..,i don't wana talk to anyone...specially no family member of mine..the more i try...the worse it gets...,isnt it just better to leave me alone?doesn't mean that i have no guts cux i keep queit..,i have lots said to me and its straight where it should be kept and i love myself to be alone n i dont wana justify myself..so dont bother...tadda tadaa..

Weirdness..

2008-10-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hiii again everyone...
Today m with a lil weired story..You know.. me,my cousin and my besty were walking over to my homy tonight from near sahara(graveyard) when we slide passed a girl..i noticed something not right in her...she was talking alone..while she was walking,my besty n cousin noticed it aswell so they even started whispering abt it...well so firstly my mind knocked me"get real shana,maybe shez wearing a headset"so i thought why not checking on it n yeh pretty much amazed..woah she was not wearing any headset..so my cuzin and besty backed off...but i told them why not come and see whats going on...they were kinda terrified and said they r not going..but for me..my ego hurted bad and i wasnt going without knowing whats going on...so i kinda went after her...she was clinging her left hand on air as if there was someone near her...anyway so i went..she was a tall veiled girl,worn a dress of black,fair and looked normal..but somehow her actions werent..and while i reached near her,i heard her words saying "please don't"..i dono.. she was talking to someone i guess...or maybe she said that on me?..anyhow this nutty besty n cousin was a lil far seeing me...so i kinda turned myself for them and then turned back to see her...she vanished perhaps...or maybe she went off to the next road..so i went to them and told them shez gone..and then besty raised her hands n showed me "look shez there"..oh she was there...alone...i thought she wasn't there anyway...pretty much weird,...so we went back home anyway..thought of sharing....
anyhow I'd not stress my mind on something like that...

so here it goes...guess what!..me n my besty made mushrooms tonight...i never thought i cud make it soo delicious..cuz last time i made it...i had to puke...anyway...we put barbacue sauce to it and we invaded our kitchen to bits...,forgot to put the salt on it too..,n rushed to put it in the last minute...we had a good laugh and a good dinner...so its time to say goodnight for my beloved reader's....big hug n tadda tadaa....

Woah...

2008-10-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hei all bloggies..

Something's are weird in life...and when suddenly someone pop's out from my face book inbox and then tell's me that i am having his gf's pic's in my profile...lol...y wud i have another's pictures in m profile... so here it goes...there's a gal named shal,who have fooled a guy with my appearance,she showed him my pics(which was in my face book) saying that it was her ... so far i knew..they got in a relationship through internet..without meeting each other... and now..he see's me..."shana ahmed" in face book having the same picture of what his gf showed him and then he mails me..

someone (name unrevealed)
Today at 2:08pm
HAI...ix dat u in u r profile picture????

My reply
Today at 2:35pm
yep...

someone (name unrevealed)
Today at 2:36pm
u r name is shana??

someone (name unrevealed)
Today at 2:38pm
mashah ige gothuga dat is shal a kiyaa kujje ge pic

My reply
Today at 2:39pm
oh really????hehe thts me lol :)

My reply
Today at 2:39pm
m shana..yep

someone (name unrevealed)
Today at 2:48pm
can u giv me ur msn add
i wanna shw u sum pics shal ge pics

hmMmMm...and then he added me,,he said that it was his gf's pics..woahh...i wondered...i mean what the hell..so he showed me my pics which was taken from my facebook profile, saying tht this shal gurl gave him these saying tht it was her ...(one pic of myself with a cap...which i took in my room,she said to him tht it was taken when she was with her friends..lol),... look...i dont know whats going on...so i asked him further info abt her.. her birthday was December it seems..but mine is in MARCH!!huh...and then he tells me that shes not a face book user...defines the reason why very well..hehe..n then he tells me that he knows her sister and that her sister even told him that,that's shal in the picture... so she used my appearance to win him????aaarhh..y cant just people be themselves...anyway thank god she didn't use my name with my appearance...,so i convinced this somone that it was my pictures...firstly i invited my childhood besty chicky to the convo(thank u chicky) and then i showed him a pic of mine with my parents and finally he agreed... and he gave me her email address too...n asked me to be online the time when she'd be...so its gonna be tonight...tada taddaaa

(please don't use another's appearance like this n deceive people...what god gave you is what you have,be thankful and accept it and be yourself..your who you are..you wont need to be another for someone else to love you..and if so thats not called love...you know the truth... and please everyone..nowadays u'd have to be really careful in believing people...)

Eid Mubarik Everyone!!

2008-09-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

Hi and Heloooo sweethearts and Darlings!!
Wel today eid dho....so wishing all of you with the happiness...not only today...but for whole lifetime..."and may allah accept ur good deeds,forgive your transgressions.."
Anyway..for me the day of mine started with 24 sms's of eid greetings and 19 missed calls..woah..nvm...i cudnt call them back...but wishing them heartedly:)
so after i woke up and saw my phone..i realised today was eid...and i got so excited ..hehe,and then went to mum and asked her "miadhu beyn jahaa hey" and she was staring at me like i was some crazy gal,hmp..nvm moms!!
anyway and then visited kitchen...poor.. poor chickens :/,hehe,it seems tht our kitchen is also enjoying the eid...everyone is so bsy..preparing stuffs...ekam what they did was fassaalaningz me...u know...i'd be the one on their head so better they do without me;)
and now it starts my eid!!rain wow!!m gonna go n make love with it a bits..hayyaa hoo !!!m coming!!!
oh yea and btw i got my "eid thiththi" frm dad...cant wait to wear them on evening...hehe..okies..love you all..tadda tadaa

Mistakes

2008-09-29T23:38:00.001-07:00

Human beings are not perfect and we make mistakes. Fortunately we can learn from them and try not to repeat them. Many great inventions were created from people making mistakes and good came from them. Don't strive for perfection Just be human and caring.
Some people learn from them, some people deny them.. we are human, so by nature we make mistakes somehow! people choose to repeat the mistake because they don't know what to do with the result they did not like.. we never stop learning, ever!
On the whole it's because life is too complex. Almost nothing can be predicted with certainty yet we continually have to make very far reaching decisions. In this chaos we immature people make ,often impulsively , immature choices which become habits that acquire a force of their own.

Making mistakes is how we learn to live. I grieve for the losses i have sustained and will continue to sustain due to the poor choices of others. Nobody can make me stop believing in the power of a passionate in human beings who are determined not to be deterred. I'm still smiling.and though would keep on...

God please forgive me

2008-09-28T00:24:00.000-07:00

For all the sins i did in my life,for all the disturbance i gave to my closest,for all the tears i gave on another known and unknowingly..for missing my prayers day by day,for having a bad thought over just anyone..for complaining in life rather than appreciating the beauty,for hiding the truth to make another smile,for being snobbish stubborn and arrogant...for sleeping all day and not helping mom,for imagining life rather than appreciating reality,for hiding rather than facing..,for smiling and faking on face..,for eating ice creams while others kept on fasting :/,for ignoring the rest of the world when they really wanted to be with me..for hanging my jena too :/ and for everything that i guilts..

Just a blabber!!

2008-09-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

Hei every1,,,hmmm gud morning,...hehe...ive been lil ill these days..my head kept on banging n dizziness..what a hell of days..my temper kept on getting high in immediates and my closest have to suffer,...what to do..ive been started to forget things too...tell u guys what!!,i went to this shop near my homy...to buy some onions to mum inge..and when i got inside the shop n the shopkeeper asked what i came to buy..erm..i said..i dono??...what an insult..(i tried to remember so badly)tht was it...so went bak and asked mum and sent this jamal fellow to buy it(geyga gengulhey meeha),n thts nt all ! i forgot my best friend's name too..whom ive been living with the past nine years in one homy...ok...this is nothing i do purposely whether no one believe it or not..

My Hairstyle :)

Okies ive been wondering to show my new hairstyle for u guys..ive been in love with this for the couple of days..so here it is...i did some bits of colouring too,Its sorta hazel redish brown...n i liked it alot...one of my best hairstyle..so do comment on it..(mind u i like only good comments -hmp- and no insults on my lovely hair!!hehe

I saw a rainbow!!!

Whats so big about seeing a rainbow dho? well...its just day b4
yesterday...i was really kinda bored n since with tht headache thingy..so i asked dad to take me for a ride haveeru gadee ga..he normally does take me like tht..so i get hapz..love u dad for tht:)
anyway...so here it goes...it have been ages tht ive nt seen a rainbow...so this dad kinda showed me it while i was lost in seeing the cute boys who rode on the road(oops busted..hehe)and the colours of it made me so much get joyed...really its like ages tht ive nt seen so many colours at once,..so i got so much joyed and thought i'd capture it...and while i was doing this so "unclear" photography..(plz dont mind,..just try to c it though,hehe),the pple on the road were like staring at me as if m an alien to this world..felt a little awkward...ekam i kept saying to myself nomatter what mifaharu photo nagaafa ey dhookuraanee..to show u all nomatter dull or blah..anyway tht was it..

My poor hand!!

Seee!!its noofai ganefa!!!!and no thanks to the person who did it..zaathee gothun jassaalaafa...nvm nvm...tht person is a secret orelse another wud know what m going thru!anyway its damm hard to type..ouchy my poor handy...wonder why all these nutty things keep on happening with me..ive eaten 2 ponstan tablets today for my this headache thingy..yeh m not fasting ;)...anyway..its nothing to brag abt...its just my head is out of the world...so enjoy fasting everyone...but i have to eat :( ,i love to be without eating anything ..its my nature...as long as i dont see ice creams,magnums...yummy..etc) :D

ps> btw...i cant type too long..since my hand is painy...but before i leave,abt me...ive been skipping prayers..(shame on my self)...thts the headlines of my mom's lectures these days inge...
anyway..she even said tht whenever a friend of mine comes to my home,she'd tell them tht i skip,even lastnight she told a friend of mine who came to pick me:/ n then this friend of mine kept on lecturing me...till we reached our another friend's homy.. bla bla...so thts it...thought i'd tell u all too....but plz dont keep on lecturing :/ anyway i saw a white bear in my dreams...hehe
taddaa tadaaa

Bounded Thoughts

2008-09-24T02:25:00.000-07:00

Wishes hurled with the consequence
Butterflies flew the hope of hence
Silent whispers never brought tense
Highly joyed with no offense

Dreams lit without nightmare
Hands touched the loving care
Whispers of shyness everywhere
Beats the rhythm of your there

You saw yourself in my eyes
I had no clue and just why's
My little thoughts just smiles
The bounded thoughts of you that ties

PAST

2008-09-22T21:44:00.001-07:00

When this tiny word past comes to my mind,it kinda gets goosebumps in me,i am not someone who got what so ever nice past to remember and neither i wish to,but the question is,can anyone forget their past?and keep clinging on to the presence,to be honest that's a question nobody could answer..cuz almost everyone have lived their fullest in it and i believe past cannot be forgotten but trying hard to live with it and accept what you get is worthwhile..

I used to wonder the question "why me?"when it comes to my past,had been surviving and suffering in each and every way yet though m proud of myself today,for what i am and what i will be and its what i make myself,
and then here comes the part of forgiving for those people whov done bad in my life,i have no offense and i cud forgive just in one moment..maybe my heart is too good over or maybe i try to accept what ever happened,but the dark side of it is Trust, the trust in which i'd not have in myself n the fear that it could happen over n over again with me anyhow in anyway..truth is i dont blame them but i blame myself for what ever happened on me,cause there r things i am incapable to do and make a change,there r things ive hidden nomatter past or presence..
Past can never be brought back n i dont hope for a future but i'd try for it...to live in what ive got n to appreciate life the fullest..

Goood MOrnnnnnniing universe!!!

2008-09-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Hi evryone..this is my first post as without poetry n blahs ,ive recently edited my blog,n thought of carrying on this blog with some amount of friendly manner,Thank you Mr Converslogic aka PUP...For the hard work of yours for the banner,i really loved it and everyone!!theres a secret in my banner inge ;),hehe.. Anyway..these fasting days of mine r quite rediculous cause ice cream is usually in my mind... and i kinda get the smell of it through my fridge,hehe..anyhow lets not talk abt it cuz i feel like starvy now even!!hope u all liked the changes in my blog n i look forward to post like this (doesnt mean i wont do my poetry inge,it will always be on my list) and heres a little introduction of myself...(since ive never introduced myself although i posted lots) m shana...anyone can call me anything u wish as long as words nt like gorilla or santhimariyanbu.. a girl whov been trynna live n to be happy..m mostly defined as someone who have a "complicated" life and i'd make another's life too..hehe(so be careful)..nd yeh point to be noted m very stubborn too.. My family consists a mom n a dad thankfully and a sis (whoz married and gone away :/)and myself,a younger brother and a baby bro of six months..(its really fun to have a baby in family,and hes damn adorable!!) and abt my nature..i get excited at the slightest touch...loves anything tht makes a sound...windchimes bla bla,and loves glittery stuffs,,like stars... m quite good with water,whether its in rain or pouring it on another..(ahem)mostly those kinda attack comes on to people i love..hehe...but on the otherside..i could be said m nt tht good with water too...when it comes to drinking it since doctors bla bla!!and the most precious thing in my life is my mom's lecture,in which my day is incomplete without>>she'd find just anything to shout over<<..hehehe...alrighty sun have risen and its time for my bed(night crawler) so tadda tadaa..

2008-09-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

Free soul

2008-09-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

Happenings undo the mistakes of the sin
The treasure of being lost valued everything
A smile frm your heart waves my eyes
Trusted hinches knowing no lies
Standing up and facing universe
Feeling precious life without a curse
Rainbows surrender the souls together
Shadows silently backing off for another
Freed as we are abided the promises
The wind tortures as the sun kisses

Dedicated to Someone i dont know...

2008-09-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

Lonesome Him..

2008-09-09T06:31:00.000-07:00

Close your disturbed eyes..
Listen to what tendered wind says
I hear your whispers of cries
Your hurt and the unhealed wounds...
Come to me,I'll show you the world..
The stucked time and the shines
Hide wont hide you anymore
I see you hidden even though
The fears and desperate loosing
Holding you painfully tighted with it
Release your miserable thoughts
Reveal your haunted self
Hold the shines of the sun
Sparkle the face with adorable smile

Bunch Of Nonsensible Words..

2008-09-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

When nothing seems alright..when tears fall apart...when self looses the heart,i have nothing to trust..and i crave for the person who belongs my heart...to come and ease this pain...to make me stand and show me the right way...yet hes far behind hiding from my eyes,destroying my hopes,falsing on what i had..what shall he say..what i do is what i did and thats my mistake..hard to believe,too good to to be true shana!!!Theres no one like that!!!

I await...

2008-09-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

Hurled consequenced smile hissing the light of dark
Shining stars glittering without a missing universe
Lying drifted notes of love shakens up the mind
Nudged head forwarded for the next second sight
The winds sang the melody and the rhythm of heart
Thoughts stucked through the missing hurt in fortunate eyes..

Hate you..

2008-08-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

Where can i go..what shall i say..what shall i ask,what cowardliness you did to my life? how brutally you swept me off in different ways?i was happy as how i was..why the hell did you grab me outside, hold my hand..showed me the sky..took me high.. why cant i ask why you loosed your hands,,why cant i ask why did you do this to me!! i hate to live cause you made me,i hate to smile cuz u made me...and i hate to cry cuz you made me... go ahead and use your serpentness and see the cruel beauty's from your eyes..i dont care.. what your today is what you chose,and what i am today is what i am choosing.. i dont need your fake lies...i dont need your any truth,infact i dont need you...get lost!from my site, my phone and even from everywhere i exist...cuz i truly madly hate you...

Ramazan Kareem..

2008-08-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

Well...i guess..this is one holy month which everyone was expecting to greet...i am not much of religious person but..anyhow...i know some of it's..what you do these days are what you'll be highly
proud of...(good deeds)..have a good tongue and an eye and a hand and a heart..that's what i can say...good intentions people...
its not just a month to play thaas and kerom and have walks and enjoy...it has the special 10 days which we'd not find in another month of the year...so appreciate what you get..and try to recover the sins...

Her...

2008-08-30T15:42:00.000-07:00

This is one inspiring written piece which touched me through his words..his expressions over that girl..and how he expressed her feelings so special...and thought i'd update it..

:::::: By:Shan ::::::

Shut Up!

2008-08-29T15:16:00.000-07:00

Sharp knives cuts the innocent lives
Dark truth hidden beneath the lies
Giving a hurtful scream with some smiles
Unpredictable distance with some obedient miles
Trapped heart closes the mouth and cries
Stoped time still hesitantly glides
Fear and scares shut in ties
Hell and fire is all in the eyes
Darken sun awaits for the rise
The cruel and bastardize is the surprise

Who Am I...?

2008-08-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

My eyes showed your tears
My skin tracked your appears
My lips tented your taste
My ears heard your haste
My breathe took me into your scents
My hairs waved your memorable lents
My words echoed your voice
My throat felt your poise
My heartbeat knocked your screams
My mind sticked your dreams
My arms craved your self
My heart wished your helve

Unhealing Distress

2008-08-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Wounds bloomed with the lost hale chest
Odd seemed when colored the rest
Thoughts of the pinch from your finger
Scares the self of craziness linger
The eyes adored the hurt
Tears unresistingly spurt
Holded hand looses the spirit
Folded echoes thundered split
Terribly determined of what to loose
Hurtfully knowing what to choose
Threw the rest of the stones to the sea
The ocean to come and kiss me..

Love some one ,But never me!

2008-08-24T14:19:00.000-07:00

i am in a corner,where there's no one to give a hand on my shoulder,tell me not to be scared..its totally alright..understand me and be a little helpful and calm, where i live is full of jealousy and hatred,where i am is the envied eyes looking at,what i am done is lift up high and then let me fall..they keep laughing or say its my mistake that i existed,what does they know,to drink their own bloods..what does someone feel when they lie,a lie is made cuz one's fear of a reality and they live in the imaginary..,but i lied for the truth in my heart,i lie to let myself say am not at all hurt,and a lie is whats wonderful and what is to be looked after in this world...don't come closer to me,m nothing great,just a scared,selfish,cheating,lonesome bitch who doesn't deserve this world..

Swoon..

2008-08-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

Hanging by my eyes,strangled the pieces of light
Words echoed with the wind in ever so height
Swords the heart with the ridiculous swoon
So less it was infront of the sun shadowed moon
Swap the waves begged myself to the ocean
Letting off the every spiritual commotion
Engrave my life,the stone and the lost
Rearrange the time,the soul and the host
Bringing movement closer and the rest further
I stayed there in the mid of ever ending heather

Beete Lamhe

2008-08-12T05:51:00.001-07:00

Uncared Clinging

2008-08-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

Clinging terribles of uncared seemed to care

The thoughts of shaved heart lent unaware
Owner of Laughs drinking the blood of ownselves
Bringing back hells in the heaven's hells
Tears crunch the roar of terror
Heavy bangs cut core of shallow
Received ignorance worth to utter
The breath and the heart seemed to flutter
Rolling the folds of hesitant and stare
Sliced smile only tuned the flare

Now..

2008-08-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

Defeatedly touching the fleetingness of eyes

In search of the great loved fragile delight..
I breath and whistle the tears of wisdom..
For tomorrow that i shall be none..
Its all what i have,the yesterday and the capable vain
For now shall it be today and the measurable gain
The fire and the burnt heart
The tenderness of the blood art
Lasts the lost and the fussful thorn
I could walk the bitten death steps alone

Staring at Slept Dream..

2008-08-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

Watching you steal tiny breaths from this world..
Eyes shut, pillow hugged adorably in the dark of desired dream..
Imaginable started to utter the distance and time
I urged for the moment my eyes craved your touch
To feel the breath and the mournfully desired
Your caressing body fused in me with joyous of adore
The tears of happiness revealing blood..
My hands tearing your body with bitten skin..
Pressures of love holding back the force of hurt
Gentleness making the space complete all inside
Fulfilled growls tendering the silent screams
Kissed to shut my voice and loosening of what i got
Motionfully cuddling hopes of the reality
Given surprise without the due of lateraling
Beholding trustfulness that went from yours to mine
In which i am still in the dreamt lightening divine
Heared wishes justified with faith lake
Staring at your kinded heart that only was awake..

Where Heart is..

2008-08-03T06:22:00.001-07:00

Realism is the thought that you wanna dream,yet you suffer cause in your realism theres the dream hidden beneath it.. Try bringing out realism in dreams and dreams in realism,you'll end in up with nothing but tears..

Till..

2008-07-31T01:56:00.000-07:00

Thrown dust flies off on my face
Gulped chilly made the cough
Weakened smile started to Sob
Love or lost just the same
Soft touch of tearfulness on cheek remain
Trying hard to wipe off blood colored face
Untouched invisible thread abides fear
Holded hand unseeing by interference in eye
Screamed the unheard whispers to deaf ear
I lie and and lay till the wind blows the fold

Kissed Heart

2008-07-30T02:50:00.000-07:00

Gently kissing the thoughts and giving life
making me alive and rise brightly..
Shadows captivate the shined heart
Throwing the tears to the missing waves
Pleased by the look above and no hesitant to furthur
Where stars shined there i saw myself
Gratefully pride by evilness in innocence
Time stucked,so did the world

Independence in dependent soul

2008-07-26T02:54:00.000-07:00

Laughs despise the freedom of selve's slaves
Jailed in soft and elastic blood caves
Prisoner of own heart scratches the soul through weeps
Dark and lost shrugs shredding through deeps
Straw my blood and give my eyes sunrays
Make my heart light and fulfill my prays

Motionless Self

2008-07-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

Sleeplessly impatience counts the heartbeat
Through and towards the communication that heat
Nervousness tripping through narrow mind
Like forever myself happened to hold time
The eternity he vowed may have gone behind
Regretting eye sight of mine back warding line
Motionless self breathing for his life..

Darkest Despair

2008-07-22T03:13:00.000-07:00

Hurt stumbles the thought of wounds
Fear engulfs from the deep burnt lungs
Coughing through the pitching tabs
Breathless in bleed of the thorning steps
Memories divide into yours and mine
Darker light seems right to shine
Wind touches the face of the end
Time it is which cannot be lend
Sorrows leading the path over tomorrow
Hands up high in the scars of harrow
The bizarre flown away by thunder
Clouds bursted the grasping disaster

What am not!

2008-07-21T02:54:00.000-07:00

Surrenders of false handing over myself
weeping down truth from the false
Thinking twice of the unheard whispers
Hatred towards the unseen of lust
wondering how a human can be when truly not
Crapping down every bit of flaw
Whistling the dirt from my own hands
Echoes strips through my eyes
What i am said is what am not

Doors OF Heaven...

2008-07-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

The doors of heaven to mercy will be opened in four situations...
When its rains..,When a child looks kindly at his parents face,
When the door's of kaba'h is opened and when marriage(occurs)
Prophet Mohamed

Standing by her...

2008-07-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

guy_now smile
guy_ for us?
girl_What if god hates me?
guy_If god hates you,he'll never show me the way to you..
guy_right?
girl_labba
guy_no matter what happens..I'll stand with you..
in your journey of life where ever u want me to go with you..
guy_and would be anywhere you wish me to be..
guy_ i need Ur smile
girl_I'll
girl_I'll smile for god..

Eyes on Me..

2008-07-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy?
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I love your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then I will know
that you are no dreamer

Beholding goodbye..

2008-07-15T21:28:00.001-07:00

Like a stone wall next to my body stands,
Hard pain tighted upon my sweatsoaked hands
Realease these unbearable thoughts of Hope
Crossed light seems to enter the forbiddence
Eye in search of the the mightable untolerence
Boundless deepen fears torn to tatters
The time and the truth still scatters
Swept by the sun and the moon
Slept in all what accomplished the doom
Yet and always i fail to win and win to loose
This is not what i have to choose
Screaming at you through my tears
The absence is in all what appears
I'm still in my lost prison in the sky
Sorry I didn't say a yearning goodbye

Nightmarish Dream

2008-07-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

Colors of blood veils me sorroundly
Echoes of laughter inside joyously
For himself i am ready to surrender
The scarlet thoughts and the tender
Preserved pain of mine despicable
The eyes of be holding's enviable
What you have is what you never had
Close your eyes and bury me dead
I perceive what I do not see to be
Brutal Bride of yours is me..

2008-07-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

To my Dearest World,

You prefer lies about another person's life rather than the truth about yourselves..

I dont have anything to do with what you say,relationship is made from heart and not from what you say..

cheers

=shootingstar=

Hithuge Shakuvaa

2008-07-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

Hayaathuge fahfashun veemey hilaa..

Vehey vaarein furagasnudhee hinithunvelaa

Jehey haa vaigandah thaubaa vefaa

Fihey haa hoonugaa abadhume edhemun thibaa

Rovey gislaa mivaa nikamethi kamun..

Thadheh menuveeme ihsas nukurevi mi heelamun

Kerey kochehmme huree alhaa hashigandun..

Bali menoonee nethey bunevemun..

Vevey hoonu alifaangandah boa thirivefaa..

Kekkey mihithuge ley vedhamun a'dhaa

Dhevey e furagas adhu nudhanefaa

Jehey mi dhiri ulhen karunathah fohevifaa

Hureeme naraka fadha ey mithaa...

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[ This poem is my first ever try to write something different,so i chose dhivehi,meaning my first ever dhivehi poem,i know this is not perfect or u may never like,well this is just a try,if this turns out bad for you all its possible that this could be the last one like this...]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dead Stone

2008-07-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

Breathing breathless in the wind of time
Trying to capture the whole handful crime
Pricking eyes in lost of the slipping fast
Destroying future holding the past
Grabbing the snitch of illegal thoughts
Rushing through the misleading roads
Placing those instead of uprise
Whispering along foughtful cries
Mind beats up silent tone
Heart it is as the dead stone
Swallowing the pain fulfilled tears
Enriching the end life with all fears

Far Unknown

2008-07-03T08:08:00.001-07:00

Who says the sky wont meet the land..
No matter how far high above..
When two clouds get so heavy,cant bear and meet..
From the high above to the here below,
Drops of miracle will fulfill the possessive thought..
will give tenderness to the thirsty throat..
Letting hearts acknowledge..
Relation there no matter so far unknown..

Holding your thoughts tight in me...

2008-07-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

Long gestures of hope
presses the mind
Thinking about the hook
that bounded us together
An invisible thread
sharp and cutful surrounds us,
Alot more for today and forever
I bear your eye's sorrow in my heart
The vow still remains unspoken
A disobeyed patience leads upon
The eye still remains unsearched
but i have you in me to see underneath
From the soft touch of tearfulness on cheek
eternity begins now
you'll remain here forever..
That no one could ever see through
not even the fascinating you..

My Favourite song

2008-07-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

I dunno how to let you know the feelings which i've always got towards this song...This song makes me feel happy and in meantime gives me tears,its kinda related to me in someways,isn't it such a wonder that you see your dreams combined in just one song...

Inbetween Shadow and Self

2008-07-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

If u wanna make something right from a wrong, u wont realize when the wrong gets over u...
and the right is where it belongs,keep thinking of what i've just said till you get the sense of it!!!

A starfull thought..

2008-07-01T05:56:00.000-07:00

I used to wonder in my childhood days how impossible it is and weirdie to think that people who die is said as they become stars,mostly its said in films,specifically in Hindi ones,its unbelievable in religion wise and even to the mind,But now at my this age i tend to get the light on what they say.. When someone whom you love a lot has gone so far outta reach,is someone whom you respect and miss..you'll tend to look above and see the stars,and see a star has no difference than a person whom you love and can never reach..its not cause they are the stars,but they are so high to us that our heads up and only could view and respect,can only wish they were with us cause they glitter the lives...

[This post is in love with my brother,i really miss the word "shanahtey o boalhahbey"..wish to meet you someday...]
you know what?we all could reach a star..but everything needs an effort right?

Unfaithful Giddiness...

2008-06-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Blankless face,destroyed mind

Here i am,in the mid of clueless

Apologies for my unexistance

Just a few days with your kind patience..

Ensure you that i'll be back

With so much words on track

Irremediable Vehemence

2008-06-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

Whispers of soul glides upon the selfless self
Bringing truth from where i hid it,
screaming with the joy of pain
Ensuring myself for no defeat
A numb heart smiles with broken tears,
The rain showers the light off
fearless dark full of laugh,
That's where i am,vehemence of irremediable...

what are you..

2008-06-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

With the thoughts of someone,you just wish to live..
with the silence and absence in mind,your presence in this world
with a heart unopened you just keep treasuring her..
why do i keep feeling your crying heart?,why cant i cure you..
with the eyes i try to seek you,with my heart i just feel you
i wish to know who you are,with the bare heart and a little grin
with teary eyes and like a shadow,you just exist..
only in me...tell me now!
what are you?a human or a whim?
why do you keep disturbing my mind
why do i seek for you in everywhere i go..
why is it so difficult for you to get off
why is it so difficult for me to let go off
whats between us?who are you searching for..
why cant you just have your feelings for yourself..
why cant you just not enter in me..

Heartless self...

2008-06-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Placement of all my dreams,in the vast of ocean..
as if its calling me..throwing up slow waves of despair
come and take me back,keep me in your mind,,
treasure me,you'll need me someday
don't let me go off with the blown wind..

I wanna turn around,assume parched ocean exists no more
Ignore the silent cries with the filth of deaf ear
unseen the torn in the deep ocean soul
a small scratch piece thrown off from me,This is all what i bear..

Bless Heaven On You...

2008-06-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

Words are so less to describe the feeling which i have towards you.You made me feel alive..Like no one can ever do.Your cute lil face my eyes always adores for,you gave me a hope that you'll hold my hands and walk toward.You blabber so much that i wish to understand what you have in your mind..
Whenever i tell u a secret,knowing that you wont know a thing and yet you still blinks and get excited at the slightest point and laugh out so loud..surprisingly given me the comfort that you understand more than any adult can..
My heart aches with the roars of your cry..helplessly run towards you and cuddle you up high,and ensure you that its alright and your so safe with me..,You lay on my chest for so long and make your head up just for a twinkle blink and a smile,i just cant express what a miracle you are that you tuck out your so lil tongue just to tease me..
Whenever you go for your beauty shower and lay on your mini bathtub with our ever kindest mom,i hide myself beneath the bathroom door and let you search your eyes on me..yourself knowing that I'd turn up and you can have a blast.
Whenever you lay on your tiny bed,throwing up your legy and handy here and there,you knew that I'll hold you up on your cheeks and give you a kiss.
Its so amazing that you keep your little eyes into framed photo of mine and blabber rather than the stuff toys you have..and most amazingly i knew you'd never know my birthday and yet cannot hug and wish me and say happy birthday sister,but most extra ordinarily you surprised me with a rush of your pee on my lap the very that day for the ever first and last time and gave me a shy smile with innocence,
i knew then..that thats the best thing you can give me..
When i take you up high hugging you and letting you watch nursery rhymes,its the so far you could enjoy with me and whenever it ends up you just cry for more of it until the time comes to sleep so that you can waky tomorrow.
When i kiss your forehead goodnight,i feel like thousand of tears telling me that your the best i've got..and i never wish to let go off you even for a minute,for your whom i counted lots of minutes with dreams,wondering how you will be after your presence to this world,your whom ive i wanna live in his childhood,whom i wished to admire talking and moving around with his nappy,hehe..,take him to the park putting him in a buggy and whom i wished to see standing and taking steps where for myself to lead him holding his hands..and tell him that i love him very much..

Hiidden Silence

2008-06-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

I want to run away
But there's nothing out there
I want to shatter windows
That look out on nowhere
I hold my breath and listen
yet silence is the only sound.
Black sun rays fall upon my soul
casting dark shadows
Causing it to become withered and grow cold
Living like this
Checking the skies for rain
A constant reminder
Of this burden and pain
I pray and pray
For this to end
faith gives me peace of mind,
Depression knocks me down,
Grace picks me back up..
Falling into death in deep with darkness,
seeking thought or maybe not..
But I know the battle is still within.
The nights never seem to end
I fake a smile and wipe my tears away
As if I'll forget the truth next day
I have hurt so deeply and cried too many tears.
I have been empty and broken for so many years.
I am tired of pretending that I am fine and all is okay.
I am tired of hiding behind this mask I wear every day
Wipe away my blood filled tears..
I long for you to come and save me..
My bleeding heart could stop beating
And tears I no longer wish to shed..

BrOken..

2008-06-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

An Itch..

2008-06-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

Trying to seek my future..
from where i live..
Is it possible ever till..
I want to decline,drift away..
Like there will be no stage
or fraudulent smiles to mislead..
I will break these stitches,
lacerate the chord..
And become absent..
To be entwined in the blossoms,
To lament with the wind..

Justice of freedom..

2008-06-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

Blowing in the wind as soft as a butterfly and sharp as a blade,
entrancing as the wind ruffles natures hair,
your wind cries to me and sings a song of pain,
as my hopes are dying and my beliefs are being blown away,
as i am running the wind is my only enemy,
intent on slowing me down and blowing the last remnants of my life away,
as the wind cuts me i don't breathe a sigh of pain,
as blood engulfs my conscience i fear i am drowning in sorrow,
as the last drop of pain flows from my body what shall fill the void,
happiness and laughter slip away as i edge towards them,
i feel my heartbeat run through my body as it shakes my very soul,
i am so still as i feel a rush of guilt glide through my mind,
the very memory of my past has destroyed my hopes of grasping at a future,
as i lay motionless i wonder what will make me go on living another day,
the hazy face i remember in my mind and the hope of freedom,
what shall become of me as i wither away in my invisible shackles,
as i walk on i see a reflection,
the ideal image of how i feel,
dragging myself on and dripping with blood,
i feel like one-thousand blades have pierced my very heart and soul,
covered in the wounds of my defeat,
blinded as my eyes have been seared with deception,
my legs lay motionless shattered by the boundaries of my life,
hardly breathing as i struggle to move forward,
weighed down by the intense thoughts in my mind,
i saw my reflection in the sparkling water,
i am not this near dead person clinging to dear life as i had thought,
i am not the person who i envisage..
i see myself standing tall with an eternal tunnel of sadness collapsing within my soul,
why must i cling to these painful memories,
if only i could let go,
if only i could continue the path that has been made for me,
i cannot run away,
as i go on day by day these memories fade like an age old painting,
but in one second they return to my mind with the vivid force of a speeding bullet,
piercing my thoughts and burning the images that i long to forget into my skull,
destroying the happiness i collect,
dousing the spark in my soul,
everyday the light gets brighter,
the will gets stronger and a flame engulfs me,
this burning feeling that was forgotten by me,happiness,
to walk along the road of freedom,
to taste the salty spray of the sea,
to feel the flow of water ebb at my body,
to rest in the shade of the wondrous tree's,
to lie in the blades of grass looking up at the vast sky,
to watch the clouds push dreamily along,
to feel all my worries slip away,
to feel the sun's warm rays en company my body,
the dream of dreams,
the freedom i wish for,
the boundaries i wish to destroy,
the road of freedom is littered with dead ends and misleading paths,
as the journey towards freedom progresses all withers and new life is reborn,
the pure are tainted and the tainted are purified,
as dark thoughts sneak secretly into the mind,
to watch them suffer like they made you suffer,
a delicious thought but a thought nonetheless,
to live is to die and to die is to live,
the path that is life seems like a struggle,
in death you may begin a new life,
free as a bird,
free as the playful wind,
the freedom i yearn for,
the freedom i can never reach
the freedom that shall never be mine..

Burried dream

2008-06-09T14:14:00.000-07:00

The very darkest nights,everyone closes their eyes...,some people jotting down somethings in their mind for after rise..
Ever wondered before you sleep that the world may suddenly end?
Why do you hope for a tomorrow?
Why not as soon as possible?
We say..for the darkest theres always a sunshine,and our world itself is an example of it...
How many people try to make themselves believe that what they see ain't always true for inspects?
Doesn't the world look flat when its in true rounded?
Doesn't people know that the starting would be the end?
What goes around comes around..
Doesn't anybody remember a thing?
You can see a bunch of desired dreams..,
What can happen when you see the nightmare?
Doesn't anybody have a clue what your going through?
Cant anyone open your eyes?
and see the world is turning blue?

What more do you expect?

2008-06-08T13:35:00.000-07:00

when u sit here
with the blankness face
without a simple thought
having no one to trust
friends doesn't seem how they are

a joke to be assumed as a fact
a childhood dream to be a dirt
a clearance to be mud
a pure heart to be veiled
a voice to be unheard
a feeling to be unfelt
a smile to be fake
a tear too heavy
a hurt like a guilt
a truth so lie
a hope so lust
a word as harsh
a sight so dark

an image so blur
an understanding too low
an eye seemed higher
an ignorance seemed fire
an alot seemed just so less

what more do u expect?