Lolling on a lawn by the water-lilies..As clouds are blown away by the wind..
Toading upon the vapor of a dungeons..
Quaffing drinks from a hundred fountains..
Living has been given by the earth..
Alas each alive in other heart..
Soul meets soul on lover's lips..
Eachother finding way towards eyes..
Single thoughts beats as one..
Hunting secret stolen pleasures..
Waking up by the annihilate brain cells..
Indulging self in tangled emotions..
Possessed by crazy devil and dull spirits..
Burning across the infinitude..
Pulses of the souls getting higher..
Hunger and Courage holding the threads..
Hand in heart tied amongst in chests..
Trifling assign limits to desires..
Parting of the sense of sin and the fears..
Swings open at the touch of human weakness..
Cries and whispers for the more and eternal..
The possessions of intolerable..
Realms slurred syllable together..
43 comments:
my dhonnnnn baby is the best ,,,,, = )
gud wrk!
Toadding? is that even a word? vapor of A dungeons? each alive in other heart??? towards eyes? waking up by the annihilate brain cells??? trifling assign limits???? slurred syllable together?? i mean seriously woman, I've heard of poetic license but this is brutal torture of the English language half of these sentences don't make any sense.Just because you use good sounding words in a sentence and group them together does not make it a poem or you a poet. i know probably will delete this comment but seriously...toadding??
its her words...her understanding...ppl see thngs differently.. its how we improve.. ; ) ..no worryz..who ever sed dat mustv realy tried to understand what uv wriiten...the fact of the matter is...only u may know wats in ur heart .!!!!
@ anonymous 1:thanku ;)
@ anonymous 2:hehe....its nt "toadding" but toading sweety/darling...it means kicked off....anyway thank u for the compliment n i appreciate ur try of understanding my poetry...but alas...its nt for "others" to understand what i mean...anyhow glad u tried...
@Somebody:thanku ;)
kewlio.. gudy work..
y in the world does this 'anonymous' do waste time writing the comment and filling the captcha.. lol.. dnt worry dear..
hei,Anonymous
y wasting are u wasting ur time and energy that doesn't bother anyone but urself after seeing these comments for u..who love this blog??? ok maybe this doesnt bother u...but still my advice every second of our life is important..and you are wasting it... o well im not good in english too..o am i???
Gawwwd!! ppl! O__o
if you dont like this blog then why the hell are you wasting your time entering it?
You dont have to be so defensive about your comments. Its not just your world. She wrote her feelings down and never asked to be justified did she?
So stop making "rude" remarks. Negative comments are ok, coz then its not rude atleast!
Sheeesh!
thank u @draconiams..@maly & sidham.. n @chicky...
:) glad tht u pple love my blog...
kwl work..
da comments r pretty interestin i'd say.. i'd like to butt in aswel..
heii Anonymous fellow who commented on December 2, 2008 12:34 AM..
an educated man shud knw evrythn abt sumthn, n sumthn abt evrythn.. dn't ya think? suks cuz u didn't evn knw wen u actually came acrss a masterpiece..
hell yea, u ought to admit u knw nuthn abt her work.. plus u dn't knw shit abt poetry.. do ya?
dn't tell me this is da first tym u actually so sch splendid work..
i'd recommend u get a gud education first.. in dis case, a gud knwledge abt poetry wud do.. =]
p.s: we dn't like uneducated ppl talkin shit.. ;)
@bubss : aww yaan...hehe...take care..c u online soon.. ;)
LOL her fanclub to the rescue. Honey if you can't take criticism don't put it out to the world to see. and it's not rude to state facts and to the little boy who commented last i'm not pretending to be a know it all nor am I uneducated but i know something about poetry since got good grades in literature A-level (Studying poetry is a part of it) also my problem with the 'poem' is not because it's too 'deep' to understand. it's because it does not even grammatically make sense. And It may have been a waste of time but I couldn't resist your 'work' eheh. You know I'm right. Cheers
hei enuf...of it...ppl wryt what they want but if it offends nebody then a simple request wud do the job in this case..Anonymous...ur ryt on what u think n say...n shootingstar is ryt frm where she wants to be..so chill...
u spread ur knowledge in the wrong way...so not helpin at all...we dont hav to start a cat fight...if um not wrong abt who Anonymous really is.....if u hav the knowledge n the education n u did A levels ...hehe...its nyc n gud..but if u dont know...how to help others wen they r wrong then shut the F*** up ok...hope u dont waste ur time here agen..
@ Anonymous:
knw who critics r..?
ppl like u who hav fail'd in literature n art.. ;)
@Anonymous: studying literature doesn't mean u know "grammar" n letting u know that ive studied literature too...nvm...i dnt have any urge to argue with a stranger..infact thats so nt me...m happy with whatever i get and whatever i got..n yes i have fans.. sayonara..
hey shana^^ love ur blog =D
gawwd!! some people are such a know it all!
let me tell you once thing mister! we don't give a damn if you did literature in A level! I did literature too! and one basic fact about poetry is that you are free to write what you want! and english language changes! who the heck are you to say its wrong!?
The matter of her poem doesn't lie in your hand :P its her damned freedom! You are free to give comments! NOT RUDE ONES!
jeez! even Shakespeare was criticized a lot by Ben Johnson :P see his reputation naw?
MOVIES are made for his plays
So at least make your criticism a bit less harsh?
[ if you keep taking our criticism of you defensively, you are a crazy git ^^ ]
@Aphur Shafyu: awww aplha...thanku so much..n guess what..ur the first to follow me..;)n i do love ur blog aswell..n ur efforts..wud surely keep on visiting at ur place.
@Chicky:hehe...chicky...good literariness,.. :)
eheh this is hilarious, now i got all of you huffing and puffing. anyhoo girl if u want to keep on living in denial. go ahead. jus because u 'did' lit doesn't mean you got an A+ does it?? and if you are so bent on thinking that your grammar is without flaw by all means go ahead and embarrass yourself ehehe. its a free world. some people just can't take the truth.i'll leave you and your friends to it. terribly sorry for my bluntness. that's just me. dont worry will not be 'wasting my time' anymore :D
to the ranter who commented last, i am free to comment but not rude ones? how terribly biased. so you only want to hear what you wanna hear eh? tsk tsk. a crazy git indeed :D
@bubss: he's gud in criticism more than poetry i guess... :)(no offense Mr anonymous)
@anonymous: they r m closest maybe thats y...m not in any denial..i accept people's views..but..i guess..i didnt like ur tone...anyway..maybe thats how u r like...ur forgiven...by all means..i dnt keep any bad...
jeez mister! :P you are one crazy git!
Have asked you not to criticize here?! ein?? Criticize, by all means!!!!!
Just look at your criticism there!!
That's rudeness!
"Toadding? is that even a word?"
"I've heard of poetic license but this is brutal torture of the English language"
8-) if you don't call that rudeness what else would you call that!?
We are just asking you to rephrase the words you used!
If you want the world to be a better place you better stop being negative!
[PS: i got a B in lit and I'm happy with that :P ]
[PPS: there is still a chance for redemption ^^ ]
oh and.. give out your name will ya? :D coz you are pretty good at arguing. Might need your help one day XD!
nvm chicky..he'd not tell his name...these people prefer being inside curtains...
"GIVE RESPECT, AND EARN RESPECT."
that's all i'd like to say..
wow nice poem shana
sorry for the dump ass who couldn't understand awesome in ya poetry,..as our old people say maana onnaany Ilhenveriyaage bandutherega!!
true that ishan:S....she is a great writer ...i've seen
umm...thanks ishan and anonymous 3,
..m not saying m great or anything...feel happy tht you all appreciate my work.. :)
Although this so called "poem" doesn’t need any more attention than it has already garnered I’d like to add a few things. True, people see things differently but if she considers herself a poet (which she does rather strongly and keeps acting quite obvious about it) then she’s definitely asking to be justified in this case. Rude would have been the appropriate description if unnecessary swearing had come in - and then there are those ever-loving comments that blindly support her grammatical errors, anything in between could be safely justified as Criticism. Sadly (for her delusional fan club) it’s far from being a masterpiece and frightfully closer to something I’d rather not disclose for reasons of morality. People who have truly failed in Lit and Art are those who have failed to create it successfully in the first place and still live in complete denial about the very fact. Just look at these counter arguments. “Some people are such a know it all”. This is the level of help her friends can give her
I’m sorry for you kid, keep trying though, who knows, maybe you might end up making sense somewhere along the way?
hehe bravo to the last comment. I knew i wasn't the only one who thought this 'poem' was gibberish.
For eg: "waking up by the annihilate brain cells" Do you even know what 'annihilate' means? its a verb (used with object), -lat⋅ed, -lat⋅ing.
-to reduce to utter ruin or nonexistence; destroy utterly. for eg: The heavy bombing almost annihilated the city. So how in the world could 'waking up BY the annihilate brain cells' be grammatically correct??? It would have been OK if you had written 'waking up with my annihilated brain cells' (still sounds stupid but at least it's English)
Also 'slurred syllable together?' Syllable is single not plural so HOW can the next word be together?? Should have been 'slurred syllables together'
Last but not least 'trifling assign limits' heck i don't even know how anyone can correct that. Its like i wrote something like 'sprightliness design warriors' and declared myself a poet and said it is not supposed to make sense and it is not for 'others' to know.. alas..hehehhe
i never declared tht m a poet k?n yeh..for the one whom i made this poem understood it without seeing the flaws..n yep..my freedom of speech...,n haah..alas m unlike u...i reveal myself..n write down my thought..but ur a dear anonymous...probably scared...to reveal urself n showing off another's mistakes?..(everyone does mistakes)n yep..i rest my case...i dnt need to argue over some anonymous..if u wana be someone in here..face the truth first tht ur hiding urself...
For your reference I’m a different Anonymous and my first comment is at 8:50 today.
And I’d rather not reveal myself with such childish gibberish that rightfully deserves itself in the dumps- meaning your rubbish poetry kid. When you answer with a comment, it clearly shows your actual level of grammar. You probably grabbed a thesaurus somewhere, sat down and bunched up the most arduously complex sounding words with the most challenging spellings and thought, oh wow, Poetry’s a cinch! Me? Scared of a ranting wannabe poet/blogger who sounds like nonsense itself with fingers that seem to endlessly type absurdity? And sadly for the rest of us sane people out here, calls it a poem? I don’t think so. And don’t confuse the term “hiding myself” with “not wanting to belong in the rabid crowd you call friends”. Oh, And yeah, I practice freedom of speech too.
you never declared you're a poet? I beg to differ. what about the 'poem' you wrote called 'stepped sky'?
Here are the comments, maybe it will refresh your memory.
Blogger ♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...
woah! how do you write so well???????
November 9, 2008 7:49 AM
Blogger shootingstar said...
yeh...m a pooet..hehe :)
taking it as a compliment..thanku dear...
i dono dear..i just write whatever tht comes to my mind...
November 10, 2008 5:11 AM
So you see honey, i did not say that without reason. You specifically said 'm a pooet.' well i guess you can say 'i didn't say i was a poet, i said i was a pooet' whatever that is lol. anyway are you going to deny that too?
take a chill pill guy! your calling her a little kid and then calling out whatsoever to her?lol i think your jealous
First Anonymous, you found proof of her calling herself a “Pooet”? Well, darn! Now I feel like a right fool! The poor dear never said she was a “Poet”- she said she was a “Pooet”. Different kind of poetry over there. Must be that highly enriched class of irrational nonsense those babbling “Pooets” write.
tsk tsk shame on you First Anonymous, picking on a poor little “Pooet”, shame on you.…lol
oh dear, you're right. how idiotic of me. my bad. I don't think there would be 'a chance for redemption' now as they put it lol. good luck with your err pooetry hun.
thanks ;)
dear Anonymous ...1 2 3 4 n many more to cum...
obviously its clear how deep ud wana drag this off to..huh...its reaznable enuf to pull out strings in the wrong way n keep on pulling them till u make the other feel really miserable..n sooo u did soo but no point in actually doin sooo cuz we all no therez no one perfect among us....we hav flaws..we lie ,,,we deny...n refuse our statements...but its the one who says it..based on the circumstances (maybe to crack a joke) n um pretty damn sure her convo with harini was such one..sumones realy butt cracked abt the whole arguemnt the he/she digs to find normal comments n replys...made on the owner of the blog....she got her own fan club no wonder ppl like her blog even though it has spelling mistakes n inappropriate usage of language but truth is sum how her ideas n thoughts are unique... hav a nyc day evry one.. . .... .. ...
I agree with somebody.i saw unique in her style of writing and how she see's things.not that everyone is perfect.Shakespeare's poems never made sense.what's said and what's meant are two different things.
err Shakespeare prolly didn't make sense to you because its 14th Century English. and comparing her with the greatest poet that ever lived...ehehe priceless. im sure you 'saw unique' in her style. i did too which is why i commented in the first place. 'what's said and what's meant are two different things.' thats not the point. the point is its incorrect usage and she is no poet. kapish?
and to the other guy i never said anyone's perfect did i?
shana.i was watching this song cd which says "Old is god" but ha! i realised it had remixes of songs which was century's ahead :)
point to be noted:this is no school of her which she have to remember "grammer:usage of english"
as i believe it aint easy for someone to come up and see something which they dont really like and in this case certainly this blog but rather you had been visiting her place and i must congratulate you for the hard work.cause i , myself visit here because i love her work but you probably cause you dislike her work.
Agen Anonymous 123 n many more to cum...
what ishan sed abt Shakespeare wasnt taken into account in terms of comparison.. we all know hes the greatest but i believe theres sumone outa there who cud actually out run him...sumday..n abt the point of not being perfect it sure dint ring a bell on ur mind to leave this blogger in peace..its sum way of calling it enuf...cuz somehow its boring for one to c this dragging on for soo long..suggest u try another way of dealing with ur personal problems..
i c that her minor mistakes have been scratched and let it swell by being thrice magnified,for me,happily,i'd like to say i am from where feelings are appreciated more than the mistakes of another.
i would like to question honorably to the anonymous writer's about the right usage of english.hope shootingstar wouldnt mind.
so here it goes.
which is correct form of English from here:
"i know that am a moronic anonymous"
or
"i no that i am a moronic anonymous"
i am certainly sure you would know..so why don't you correct me too like how your trying to correct the innocent dazzling "pooet" ?(unique indeed,and she infact accepted what she was by thanking you all)
let me spread something to your minds which were by famous poets as reference,
The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth. ~Jean Cocteau
Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary. ~Kahlil Gibran
Poetry is what gets lost in translation. ~Robert Frost
Poets are soldiers that liberate words from the steadfast possession of definition. ~Eli Khamarov, The Shadow Zone
If the author had said "Let us put on appropriate galoshes," there could, of course, have been no poem. ~in the connective Poet Robert frost
Even when poetry has a meaning, as it usually has, it may be inadvisable to draw it out.... Perfect understanding will sometimes almost extinguish pleasure. ~A.E. Housman
Perhaps no person can be a poet, or can even enjoy poetry, without a certain unsoundness of mind. ~Thomas Babington Macaulay
I've written some poetry I don't understand myself. ~Carl Sandburg
So many thanks and greetings
sincerely
Indian guy
Dont you worry. Most Maldivians dont know how to read, and with their primitive education system - they wouldn't know talent if it came up and bitchslapped them and shoved a lighted stick of dynamite up their rear!.
Just laugh.
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