Dark Existance...

The black of the night said my life will unfold..I triggered..grieving to the past...drowning in the dirt..i hear..The gates of underwater stand waiting for the souls that have done wrong..swimming in a sea of hipocrisy,dreams vaporizing in skies of lies..hope withers dust to rust...

Felt like the loved hands fighting for my life...hiding me from torture..treating me from the shame..as the fingers of silent confinement can hide the damage like none is ever wrong..making our lives begin..i hooked upon the coldness dwelling inside me.....alas grabbed hand given courage felt too cold to hold..leaping over and trying to reach life..the shadow of own self crept around..making the world an insecure place...showing the dirt..making the doomed heart feel the evil soul...i wither..i cry..though the tears cant throw away the suffering..

Unleashed in the night..blackened i shall die..shattering the world over darkened blackness.. unwelcome breath in ocean...memories dead in the haunted place of no mercy..wickedness bite through the skin with the mark..this is where i had to go..as far as my eyes could betray ...

Beautiful Night...

She woke up screaming..her shudders softened by the pillow...foundering in the preserving case of insensitiveness..,trying to exhale without a breath, she turned her back on the blunt vigorous emptiness,stared at the heavy dribble through the rain outside her window.It started getting into her nerves.., stunned,what miracle brought in here..she haven't seen rain forever,..

Her thoughts moving torpidly,she stepped out into the slippery mizzle and fuddled through the rain..twisting through the trees,simply walking disguise for the pouring pure crystal's light,flying darkened clouds gathered to welcome her to the breathtaking glimpse of the vast emptied land..she responsively finding peace in the sound of the rhythm slapping the ground..enjoyed the music to her ears..while the happy leaves jumped off from the trees.
With the greetings from the wind,the cold rain dipped through her ruffled hair and dripped across her cheeks like fresh water tears..deep to the dying, to her thirsting heart,smelt the cold..feeling overwhelmed..she smiled so much that it hurted her cheeks.
The colorless curtains protecting her,watering the thirsty flowers,..washing all the dusts away,ceaseless spontaneous fall of its own heavy moisture, she skips on the puddles..and looks above,drops fallen from heaven splatts on her face,washing the sins and clearing her soul..the locked up and the none escaped,that everything remained, untouched and forgotten behind the rain..
Her heart beating instead the clock counting time,she tried to enjoy the wind against her face.Wandering between palms and bright blooms,huge droplets crumpled in the puddles with the small lakes in the uneven surface,she sang soaked while smiling and danced with the rain heartedly..
The eternity she was in started to fade away,a dizzying range of emotions shot through her in time.The clouds started snatching its belonging..the trees slowed the dance for the goodbye..the inevitable rain eventually broke up..undesirably she sneaked herself off from that moment,toweling herself and again on to bed..squeezing her innocent eyes shut..and the next thing she knew was,it was morning ,the end of the beautiful night..

Soul's desire..

She sweeps over those callous waters
Ascertaining the depths above the ocean
Unlike her feelings graved deep within
Inhaling the impossible air, drinking saline water
Savage, roughshod for you, but way of life for her
Freedom she saw, wrecked emotions she had
Flowing tides and storms tossed..
None kindling the waters of her soul
Aware of the placid turbulent of the deep
The independent energy of the vastness..
All of it felt so real,her survival,
Rocking in her sea cradle fearlessly,
Walking into a watery grave..
Nothing abnormal she saw in any of those creations
Her life sailed on those waters, watched over by the sun
But when she paced up to the rainbow,
Her eyes fantasized to walk onto the land
Not to handle the adzes and injure, fight or plank
But to live those green,brown and colorful dreams
To collect those wild strawberries from the valley
Bring it all the way to the high
Spray her face with the pollen of wildflowers
Swallow down nectarines honey, nap on the green bed
She always desired to travel into the horizon,
The thin hooked edges of the ocean,
To see star full sky and beautiful earth
Into which melded her well articulated for self and present reality..
She dreamed to walk across unnoticed from the waters onto the land..
There her withdrawal would transform into reality
For her dreams would appear real and harsh reality fades..
For you, all of land seems real,dreams are to fly, to sail, to scatter, to sink..
Her soul wished not only to fly, not to sink, but to choke
To be trapped under the tightly packed dust, to drowse into her dream..

Untitled...

It was three days back..i woke up with the severe headache,was having hunches that the day smelled un-right.My tummy started to growl. and i made a purge.I wanted to go and buy a drink too gravely enough,couldn't make few steps while i called up the servant to buy me a "mixed fruit juice".At our doorstep,he was ready to mount with his new bike to the "bazaar" while i popped up and asked for the little good turn of going to the nearby shop which was just too close in the same block ..he was too willingly to go..leaving his bike under my eyes..

I was upstairs..while i could see the vision too clearly..i waited for his arrival...seeking down at the doorstep..i noticed...his bike...It was too tidy and cute red..I wondered,how such a simple thing it could be for us..while another could heavenly depend on it..so i was to make sure..its under my eyes..

Appeared a man at the doorstep..drunken..his eyes like swelled..had a little beard..his trousers little higher than ordinary..He greeted with his ugly,evil smiling face asking whether there's any islander in the house..I stared downstairs to the man,I was too sure that he was searching for no one..while my eyes fluttered over the picture of the little background which he was hiding..the background wasn't as still as it was..to my disbelief,there was a guy moving so silently that may have not caught my attention...it hit in my head for once where the guy would destine next..

I abruptly ran downstairs..to the guy..which had the thirst of another's object for their living..but all in sudden..i was taken back...trapped...coapt by the ugly man..his arms were hefty..like as if hev lived 30 years..he smelled like hell fire..maybe that was the reason,i hardly breath..but i sought my voice shrilled..knowing that no one might hear at the very early morning..found my hand so tightened upon his chest that gave me the ability to shove him off to the thud of my strength..he abacked...the picture was seen too clearly again..The guy i saw on the background...was on the bike..riding 4 feet gone..i scolded..he curled his head..as if like his curly hair was nothing compared to it..,and then he suddenly rushed towards his thirst and escaped...i found nothing that could stop him..helpless i was...in front of the young and the old..

I had nothing to offer when the servant came to the scene..than the guilt of disability for the unkind human nature.. frustration for the great dislike..and for the grieve of an understandment of the cruelty i had to go through..

06/02/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SUMBODY!

Insight Inspirations...

Have you ever felt so tightly towards something in just a vision that happens to flick by? ..Something that, somehow, you know that it is far from reality..at that point.
One fine night... somewhere out there..the wind have sent me wordings, a sight so clear..as I fold my eyes, I inhale in.. deep... And as I agazed my eyes so tardily when I exhale..there was a smile on my face..right there..at that moment, there was a drop of tear just enough to run down my cheek..with none of a justification I never knew till this very moment.

With my arms wrapped around my shoulder, feeling the wind fondling my face.. There are lots of things that couldn't be explained.. and yet, you do relish the sensation of it.. A feeling that you just can't find, but it comes..hitting right through when you least expect. And it does leave trace..as like a book mark..dropped securely right there in between the pages of your diary...I was reasoning to myself..Well, maybe it's just another joyful way of an inspiration coming through...
Life passes us by so rapidly...I tried to recall. In these 18 years of my life, how many days have I lived? I mean..really lived...

Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes, we just are helpless being ourselves.. We trigger..toppled and fall...hard.. Sometimes regret of what we have done.. or have to be done... There are days when our hearts are filled with anger and hate.. We have to learn to forgive others..and also forgive ourselves too. Learn the lessons and not to repeat the same mistakes..and move on fast.
Life is too short for us to dwell too deep into sadness, pain and grief. I, have been to the state..at times.. where I felt that my life have fell apart..Shattered... I was completely heartbroken...and I have cried till my eyes went dry... Days went by..and weeks..and months... I have taken too much time away. There were things left undone..and most of all...a life not lived...

After a long time silenced away..thinking hard to myself, I woke up one day feeling like I have become someone else.. Someone who have awaken from a long nightmare. There have been enough time wasted..and more than enough time to pick myself up and start living a life...my life.

It's like one whole story after another. Lessons learned.. hard.. and I have moved on.. on.. and on again. Experience were precious... There's a voice.. always reminding me in my head.." The world is still spinning every tiny hourglass and life have to move on..”

I gazed upon the stars, and let my imaginations running free.. to a place beyond dreams. Those were the nights, I have slowly found my inspirations to create the visions in my mind. And these visions have given me a strong urge to start writing. and all that.. I have brought forward to write the inspiration of myself. Yes.. it is my urge and only mine..whether to write, decorate, or paint it with the colors and hues of love... the love that will never die..in my heart..the love that holds me from every else single thing..

Staring at Slept Dream...

Watching you steal tiny breaths from this world..
Eyes shut, pillow hugged adorably in the dark of desired dream..
Imaginable started to utter the distance and time
I urged for the moment my eyes craved your touch
To feel the breath and the mournfully desired
Your caressing body fused in me with joyous of adore
The tears of happiness revealing blood..
My hands tearing your body with bitten skin..
Pressures of love holding back the force of hurt
Gentleness making the space complete all inside
Fulfilled growls tendering the silent screams
Kissed to shut my voice and loosening of what i got
Motionfully cuddling hopes of the reality
Given surprise without the due of lateraling
Beholding trustfulness that went from yours to mine
In which i am still in the dreamt lightening divine
Heard wishes justified with faith lake
Staring at your kinded heart that only was awake..

| Well..this is my best written poem in 2008..(for me..i felt..) this poem could be new for my recent blogger friends..so thought why not sharing this..infact i wished this poem to be my first poem posted in 2009 ,so have a nice time with it.. |

Nervous

Hey guys....
Right...m totally nervous!!!i have a job interview tomorrow..it seems like ive nt even tasted how it could be...n perhaps ive been totally enjoying life to bits...but i had a thought that i wanna start to work..so i applied on job vacancy..
N THE BIG THING IS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I SHALL SAY IN AN INTERVIEW..hehe..oh god...plz help..i dont even have such any experience in which these people require..but i know onething..m going for the interview!!...and its tomorrow morning...n yea everyone..i need you all's good luck with me as a quick emergency...okies..i got to go and iron up some dressing for the interview...but..erhh...what can i wear??..hmp..tadda tadaaa

Buh bye 2008 ..

I remember someone telling me..never count how many days you live in..just see how much you lived in the days..and that's where life is..days will go on for years...years to the lifelong... ive never forgotten my beloved blogger friends..never even think of it like that k? hehe..Wishing my beloved's a
Happy new year
...and may your wishes be fulfilled in every possible way... About my health..m feeling fully alright..by god's will , i am back to blogger thankfully and the credit goes to all of you for the get well wishes on me..tadda taddaa..

Ps/i got a new phone as my anniversary gift..thanku my somebody!!

Star became lil ill..

Letting you all know that i am ill
(in alot pain..),would hopefully
update soon sometime and would go through
all your posts too but meantime with great
apologies..that i cant..miss you all and
love you all lots..