Blind Hope....

Awake! Look at the stars above ! Listen to your inner voice! That alone can open the way!~ She will joyfully grasp at the best support that exists for her, that pure light of the highest thoughts may reach her undimmed as her eyes sparkled in the night.

Indeed it is all too easy for you to believe the unbelievable, for then you need not to trouble to think and examine for yourselves. But she was the blind, the girl who describes herself like a shadow with the ethereal bandage over her eyes, Who courageously stands on a desert facing the Darkness, Imagining things that stood-still are moving, assuming she's on a battlefield where everything dark could have a firmer foothold than she herself.

Every nerve is restless, tense with subconscious longing. There is seething and surging, Her eyes doesn't understand her tears..She sense the touch on trees...as it disappears just like a whim on her hands, smells the the fragrance of heaven and mesmerizes the desired, Hears the sounds of nature, rain, waves and waterfalls as it relieves her mind...

But She's the seeker crying for light, imbued with strength to cleave through the mire, longing for the truth becomes increasingly hopeless, The heavy burden which life have imposed on her, and which finally threatens to crush her... should be taken from her and finally let it disappear from the world...

Slice of Future

I sat on floor in disbelief,I was bleeding and I knew it wouldn't stop,mystified and numbed with pain to lose, some say you can’t lose something you never had...but i had you, though unpainted life or for an ounce moment..yet you were mine..

Ceasing day after endless day, while no ordinary human would cry all night over a tiny incomplete baby,for me, i felt like a slice of my future simply vanished.I lost a lifetime of desires,plans, dreams and aspirations...the sorrow and anguish down under just can’t be explained.Was I being punished for a sin I committed,or was this a lesson,I wouldn't know.

I never knew you existed for weeks,I found out the hard way that you were inside of me,I felt more close to you,I felt you so deep within me..I cherished and and trusted myself with your life,and what a life I had planned for you...

Not enough tears can be shed to express the love I have for you,No words can describe what I wanted to do for you.I would have just held you and inhaled in your sweet smell and bared you with all what i got in my life.

Your voice still echoes in my my mind, i struggle, on my bed trying to sleep.You were in my womb,I held you in my belly, told you so much about me one whole night,The dreams i had about you, ever so beautiful and so tiny unopened eyes , adorable lips and a small button nose,The delicate fingers and tiny toes..for which i knew...you were real inside me..and you would soon had to become..though, it all vanished so profoundly.

I wouldn't know when this hollow aching feeling would depart from my body.. I never could pretend that you never did exist.Struggled to find words to say,to try and make this suffering go away...Time has not moved on for me yet and i know there was no reason for you to stay while you had to leave,be in heaven as angel in the sky,filled with joy and laughter as time goes by.The numbness would have to disappear... you were an unforgettable part of me and i know that for sure..Our time will come...Tomorrow..

Sailed Away...

I kept sailing alone in life...The abhorrent feelings were eating my soul..Having a desire to crush them all..Escaping from this till my path finds me ,My thoughts were swimming In all directions..My thoughts were flying..Traversing the length and breadth of the continent and space beyond..

They know no restrictions they owe no one.. As violence and danger lurks while i am unaware in the inhabitant ocean..My eyes just do not see...I end up being in the world's corner..On a distant island never seen before,Lost with a sense of disarray..feeling of a castaway ,I laugh so hard that I can’t breathe and only end up crying...dropping whatever I am holding and collapsing onto the boat as my ribs break from the strength of this terrifying emotion..

Feels like as if I'm falling down,and my head won't stop spinning round but i strengthen myself..Taking my fate within my hands ..Making my true and final stand..i lye while the purple hued sky told me tales of a future that doesn't exist..

Build me mansions in this sea and castles in the wind...

My prison of tolerant brought to the calm upon my lonely world once again as it whispers, the air becomes crisper..the nights that never gave me this chance to breath it is relief that washes over me...

I learn to embrace reality because it pulls away all the pain but still the thought of the unknown sends piercing chills through my bones...The stuff that plagues me Will never leave and disappear..Only for a while in my brief ecstasy would it be...

An eternal ocean within, surges around me, Years of aridness burst forth in clouds of darkness..I sold my soul for the ice cold ocean,i wash my face from the ocean's given as I look at myself and wonder who I am...The things I see are not at all clear,not even the face that stares back at me in the reflection.I've closed my eyes, yet I lye awake.Just like the pain in my head that relates to my heart as i start to forget where I came from...The pain, blood and agony seen from my eyes are not anymore.. Living every day care free was over..

The darkness drapes around me like a cloud..im soaring through the sky as if everything is ok..i never noticed that what i had is gone forever..I crept in darkness failing to realize there is so much i will never know ..that's forever locked inside of me.. and yet I shout at the world,so they can hear me..the freedom i have is what's inside of me that was known..

I look into the world like its the future...itself, even what i am living now are the ashes of the past,I don't care about the pain in this great big flashy world... till i solely become a ghost,

a beast so drown and so gone... slower than the past...

Again battling with all my might,as said for the meek shall inherit the Earth..I walk my mind while it runs wild with fear and sorrow,..I had conversations with my shadow..where i didn't seem to find myself paralyzed by fear or terror..

Till i was dead... and here in the poisoned air that i breath in the clouds that are listed in the ground..Repeatedly the sea was born again...As provider of life, salient protector of darkness...

Peaceful Dream..

With one life and no regrets..I ceased my eyes..arised by the voice of blessing whispered in heart,Laying on the kindest palace..the wild beauty of the invisible world gathers me..devoted I was to where I laid..to be taken or maybe not..

The fragrance made me smile..Unintentionally with every while..my hand was ringed,..my heart was invulnerable..with no fustrations in my mind,..revealed and peaced i was..riant and roused towards tomorrow..,the passport to heaven was in my heart...

I hear the leaves flow outside the window, rejoiced..like as if no autumn can ever compare..the soft touch of the leaves to the ground made me trip to wonder..when the happiness of clouds is to arrive..when i could get out and dance towards rain..but no urge..this moment itself was priceless...the effort that i have come here to drowse with hopes is undefined,..proud of my life.. I cuddled my pillow so tight..my heart seemed brimming..like each hourglass in the room..every dribble so valuable..like the infinite flow in time..my eyes were still faithful..trussed with hopes..the feeling that owns me with the peace in mind...

Honest Lifetime..

Howling chilly wind blows through the mist..like as if every lie had an honest intention..stuck in own shell..aloof from the rest of the world..I shook my fist to heaven and begged for reasons why,But only silence spoke, offering no reply.what can life do now that i have fallen into its lot..with my innocence complains..my desires are mean..sharp are my dreams too..a little thought stuck with the heart..the past sneaks into the future and steals off all the hopes..wondering whats behind the sun that kept the secret of life..whats behind the fail that tires my hands for the time..i did not know,I still wear the same red heart..the weepy fuzzy one to keep on going though i need to grope,thinking about the each step i took for where to reach..one by one..my destiny hungered..the truth of humanbeing taught me stepping for reach..for around the bend maybe a ray of hope..the desire to unfold the light of the day..to grab the sun and turn it around..

Unbearable, inescapable, bearing me down till I must kneel..the sun had its own shine..the tolerance uttered,the strength shoke..laying on the groud made no diffence..for the world i was just one person.The choice to burn alive sustains..

I would not give up,It felt as if a hundred lifetime had raced by with me only within few minutes..The sun can no longer warm my ashes that could be scattered to the

wind and this world that can crumble and be reformed for the next, still my soul will live..will exist..without the breath and with the breeze...

White Curtains..

I woke up in whizz..shivering and gesture..wondered what might have gone wrong..i walked towards the curtains of the window..as white and blank it was..peaceful and light it seemed..Trapped inside my own mind...I had nowhere,to go..to hide..jailed inside my own heart..i heared the seconds of time..every slow beat captured the empty space i was in..

I feel the earth move under my feet, the sky crashes upon me as if like the ground cracks and I fall to a place not far away.A place where dark souls are put away and undergo pain they have never felt before.

I burst in tears..fondling myself..and ensuring self that everything will go fine..loneliness is black as death,it sounds like the endless shudders falling from the eyes..sliced the vein, accepting the truth and hidden self in shades of the cloth,soul dripped with sin,I had so much anger to give and wondered where should I begin..

I opened the white curtains..and yet it was so dull..black like the none other...i closed my eyes and it made no difference..

when then I heared the future talking to me..i heared the sounds of the waves and the beautiful stars..embracing me was a man that i did not know the face of..i was to be taken..from his hands to the gate of happiness...i closed my eyes too much knowing that this could not happen...and then i hear the whispers of a baby that i gave birth to..the laughs...and the pikaboo we played...the times that the man took hold of me..giving his none endless whispers..caressing my hairs...

i was laughing soo much..that i saw nothing than a black sight..everything started fading away..future slipped from my hands.. I hear my mind racing up..while my eyes felt too pale to look furthur...i weeped..i shuddered...but the glimpse had already gone,...neverthlss i stood still there..tears falling from the inner eyes..

Dark Existance...

The black of the night said my life will unfold..I triggered..grieving to the past...drowning in the dirt..i hear..The gates of underwater stand waiting for the souls that have done wrong..swimming in a sea of hipocrisy,dreams vaporizing in skies of lies..hope withers dust to rust...

Felt like the loved hands fighting for my life...hiding me from torture..treating me from the shame..as the fingers of silent confinement can hide the damage like none is ever wrong..making our lives begin..i hooked upon the coldness dwelling inside me.....alas grabbed hand given courage felt too cold to hold..leaping over and trying to reach life..the shadow of own self crept around..making the world an insecure place...showing the dirt..making the doomed heart feel the evil soul...i wither..i cry..though the tears cant throw away the suffering..

Unleashed in the night..blackened i shall die..shattering the world over darkened blackness.. unwelcome breath in ocean...memories dead in the haunted place of no mercy..wickedness bite through the skin with the mark..this is where i had to go..as far as my eyes could betray ...

Beautiful Night...

She woke up screaming..her shudders softened by the pillow...foundering in the preserving case of insensitiveness..,trying to exhale without a breath, she turned her back on the blunt vigorous emptiness,stared at the heavy dribble through the rain outside her window.It started getting into her nerves.., stunned,what miracle brought in here..she haven't seen rain forever,..

Her thoughts moving torpidly,she stepped out into the slippery mizzle and fuddled through the rain..twisting through the trees,simply walking disguise for the pouring pure crystal's light,flying darkened clouds gathered to welcome her to the breathtaking glimpse of the vast emptied land..she responsively finding peace in the sound of the rhythm slapping the ground..enjoyed the music to her ears..while the happy leaves jumped off from the trees.
With the greetings from the wind,the cold rain dipped through her ruffled hair and dripped across her cheeks like fresh water tears..deep to the dying, to her thirsting heart,smelt the cold..feeling overwhelmed..she smiled so much that it hurted her cheeks.
The colorless curtains protecting her,watering the thirsty flowers,..washing all the dusts away,ceaseless spontaneous fall of its own heavy moisture, she skips on the puddles..and looks above,drops fallen from heaven splatts on her face,washing the sins and clearing her soul..the locked up and the none escaped,that everything remained, untouched and forgotten behind the rain..
Her heart beating instead the clock counting time,she tried to enjoy the wind against her face.Wandering between palms and bright blooms,huge droplets crumpled in the puddles with the small lakes in the uneven surface,she sang soaked while smiling and danced with the rain heartedly..
The eternity she was in started to fade away,a dizzying range of emotions shot through her in time.The clouds started snatching its belonging..the trees slowed the dance for the goodbye..the inevitable rain eventually broke up..undesirably she sneaked herself off from that moment,toweling herself and again on to bed..squeezing her innocent eyes shut..and the next thing she knew was,it was morning ,the end of the beautiful night..

Soul's desire..

She sweeps over those callous waters
Ascertaining the depths above the ocean
Unlike her feelings graved deep within
Inhaling the impossible air, drinking saline water
Savage, roughshod for you, but way of life for her
Freedom she saw, wrecked emotions she had
Flowing tides and storms tossed..
None kindling the waters of her soul
Aware of the placid turbulent of the deep
The independent energy of the vastness..
All of it felt so real,her survival,
Rocking in her sea cradle fearlessly,
Walking into a watery grave..
Nothing abnormal she saw in any of those creations
Her life sailed on those waters, watched over by the sun
But when she paced up to the rainbow,
Her eyes fantasized to walk onto the land
Not to handle the adzes and injure, fight or plank
But to live those green,brown and colorful dreams
To collect those wild strawberries from the valley
Bring it all the way to the high
Spray her face with the pollen of wildflowers
Swallow down nectarines honey, nap on the green bed
She always desired to travel into the horizon,
The thin hooked edges of the ocean,
To see star full sky and beautiful earth
Into which melded her well articulated for self and present reality..
She dreamed to walk across unnoticed from the waters onto the land..
There her withdrawal would transform into reality
For her dreams would appear real and harsh reality fades..
For you, all of land seems real,dreams are to fly, to sail, to scatter, to sink..
Her soul wished not only to fly, not to sink, but to choke
To be trapped under the tightly packed dust, to drowse into her dream..

Untitled...

It was three days back..i woke up with the severe headache,was having hunches that the day smelled un-right.My tummy started to growl. and i made a purge.I wanted to go and buy a drink too gravely enough,couldn't make few steps while i called up the servant to buy me a "mixed fruit juice".At our doorstep,he was ready to mount with his new bike to the "bazaar" while i popped up and asked for the little good turn of going to the nearby shop which was just too close in the same block ..he was too willingly to go..leaving his bike under my eyes..

I was upstairs..while i could see the vision too clearly..i waited for his arrival...seeking down at the doorstep..i noticed...his bike...It was too tidy and cute red..I wondered,how such a simple thing it could be for us..while another could heavenly depend on it..so i was to make sure..its under my eyes..

Appeared a man at the doorstep..drunken..his eyes like swelled..had a little beard..his trousers little higher than ordinary..He greeted with his ugly,evil smiling face asking whether there's any islander in the house..I stared downstairs to the man,I was too sure that he was searching for no one..while my eyes fluttered over the picture of the little background which he was hiding..the background wasn't as still as it was..to my disbelief,there was a guy moving so silently that may have not caught my attention...it hit in my head for once where the guy would destine next..

I abruptly ran downstairs..to the guy..which had the thirst of another's object for their living..but all in sudden..i was taken back...trapped...coapt by the ugly man..his arms were hefty..like as if hev lived 30 years..he smelled like hell fire..maybe that was the reason,i hardly breath..but i sought my voice shrilled..knowing that no one might hear at the very early morning..found my hand so tightened upon his chest that gave me the ability to shove him off to the thud of my strength..he abacked...the picture was seen too clearly again..The guy i saw on the background...was on the bike..riding 4 feet gone..i scolded..he curled his head..as if like his curly hair was nothing compared to it..,and then he suddenly rushed towards his thirst and escaped...i found nothing that could stop him..helpless i was...in front of the young and the old..

I had nothing to offer when the servant came to the scene..than the guilt of disability for the unkind human nature.. frustration for the great dislike..and for the grieve of an understandment of the cruelty i had to go through..